(My new group of fifth-graders just got into the new school, and don’t know me so well yet. I’m a goth, and dress mainly in black.)

Kid: “Miss, you wear six rings. Does that mean you have six husbands?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yes, one for every day of the week. And Sunday is my day off!”

(The group giggles. Later, when we are playing outside, another little girl approaches me.)

Girl: “Miss, I saw [name] was wrong; you wear only five rings.”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Girl: “That means you have Sunday and Saturday off! You’re very smart!”

(After class, a group of students are discussing beverages.)

Student #1: “I love ‘Smart Water’! It’s extra good for you because it has electrons in it!”

Student #2: “Electrons?”

Student #1: “Yeah, electrons! Like, the stuff that gives you energy!”

Me: “Oh! Do you mean electrolytes?”

Student #1: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I’d hope it has electrons in it, as that’s one of the building blocks of all matter…”

(It’s my first day back to school after being out sick for four days with the flu. I find out that day that I have a unit test in my math class. Normally a student in this situation is allowed to make up the test at a later date. However, our teacher is absent, and a substitute is administering the test.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’ve been out sick all week and I just found out about the test.”

Substitute: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “[Teacher’s name] would let me take the test at a later date.”

Substitute: “Well, I have no proof that you’ve been out all week, and your teacher didn’t leave me anything about letting a student not take the test. Besides, how do I know you’re not lying to me to get out of it?”

(One of my classmates stands up to defend me.)

Classmate: “[My name] wouldn’t do that. She has been out sick all week. Today’s been the first day she’s been in school all week.”

Substitute: “Like I said, I have no proof that she’s been out all week. You’re going to take the test whether you want to or not.”

Classmate: “Well [my name], I tried.”

Me: “It’s alright.”

(I end up taking the test. When our teacher hands it back during the next class, I find out that I’ve failed the test with a score of 49%. After that class, my teacher pulls me aside.)

Teacher: “What was up with your test score? You’ve never gotten anything lower than 80% on tests. Where did the 49% come from?”

Me: “I was out sick with the flu all last week. I found out about the test the day of.”

Teacher: “Why did you take it?”

Me: “The sub made me take it. When I tried to tell her that I had been out sick all week, she accused me of lying. [Classmate] even tried to stick up for me.”

Teacher: “I’m sorry you had to take the test on Friday. Come down during your study period later today, and you can retake the test.”

(I retook the test, and ended up getting 89%!)

(We’ve gathered our students for announcements. Our room is getting a new air conditioner installed, but the crew has been pretty quiet so far.)

Teacher: “So today—”

(A drill starts drowning the teacher out, then stops after a second.)

Teacher: “Today we—”

(The drill goes again, then stops.)

Teacher: “I wanted to tell you all—”

(The drill goes once again, then stops. We all wait silently for about a minute as nothing happens.)

Teacher: “What I was trying to—”

(The drill goes again.)

Teacher: “Know what? Just go outside and play.”

(I am in the cast of a student musical. Whenever our performance is not as energetic as the director would like it to be, he tends to describe is as “anemic”. There is a blood drive on campus, and most of the cast has donated blood. We have just finished a rehearsal.)

Director: “Well, that was really anemic! What’s wrong with you guys today?”

Me: “Most of us gave blood today.”

Director: “Oh, well, I guess you actually are a little anemic, then.”

This story is part of our Blood Donation roundup!

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