A Not-So-Super Senior

| USA | Learning | May 20, 2013

(I overhear the principal reminding a student of school rules.)

Student: “You don’t have to tell me the rules! I’m not stupid. I’ve been at this high school for five years!”

And Drums For A Comedic Rimshot

, | Scotland, UK | Learning | May 19, 2013

(We’re being taught guitar in my first year music class. During the class, one of the strings breaks on my guitar. I am going to get another guitar from the store cupboard.)

Teacher: *shouting* “Oh, you’ve left your G string behind!”

Me: “Aren’t guitarists used to finding those lying around stage?”

In Need Of Fool Tuition Reimbursement

| Provo, UT, USA | Learning | May 19, 2013

(I had planned on going to school full-time through the summer, but some unexpected costs elsewhere had left me unable to afford full-time tuition. I’ve decided to attend only part-time, but the semester has already started and there is a hold on my account, meaning I can’t add or drop classes. I call the university’s financial office.)

Me: “Hi. I need to drop some classes off my schedule, but there’s a hold on my account. How do I get around that?”

Employee: “It looks like the hold is in place because you haven’t paid your tuition yet. Once that’s paid, the hold will be taken off, and you can add and drop classes.”

Me: “The problem is, I’m dropping classes to get down to a part-time credit load, since I can’t afford full-time right now. But the system wants me to pay full tuition to remove the hold, since that’s how many classes I’m signed up for now.”

Employee: “Oh, yes. If you remove some of those classes, then the tuition bill will drop down to part-time.”

Me: “I can’t drop classes, though, because of the hold on my account.”

Employee: “You just need to pay your tuition. Then you’ll be able to drop those classes.”

Me: “Let me get this straight: you want me to pay full tuition, so that I can drop enough classes to get down to part-time, so that I won’t have to pay the full tuition that I just paid?”

Employee: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “Let me try again. You want me to pay full tuition to get to the point where I’ll only have to pay half tuition.”

Employee:: “…Oh. Right. That doesn’t work, does it?”

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Good InstaGrief

| Ottawa, Canada | Learning | May 18, 2013

(It’s the last day of classes and the fire alarm goes off during the last period. When we exit the building, we discover it wasn’t one of the common false alarms, and are greeted with a large pillar of smoke coming from one of the lower floors.)

Friend: “Wow. So I guess there actually was a fire.”

(I take out my camera phone.)

Friend: “You’re taking a picture?”

Me: “I’m a young adult with a cameraphone at a mildly interesting and unique event. Of course I’m going to take a picture.”

Friend: *facepalm*

Me: “This MUST be documented!”

Friend: “Fine. But when we retell the story, we narrowly escaped the flames trying to save our TA.”

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911 101

| Alberta, Canada | Learning | May 18, 2013

Student: *accidentally bumps me* “Ohhh, I need an ambulance. Call 311!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, that’s the number for city services. I don’t think it’ll do you much good.”

Student: “Then what’s the number for 911?”

Me: “Think about what you just said.”

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