(Our professor is known to bully, tease, or intimidate students. He also states that grading starts at an ‘F’ and everyone must earn an ‘A.’ I am a senior and my project partner is very smart but meek freshman girl. I tell her that she should present our progress report.)

Partner: *nervously* “So my, uh, project is on…” *almost crying*

Professor: “This is too easy. Really now, who is your partner.”

(She points to me.)

Professor: “[My Name], did you make your partner present knowing she is so shy?”

(I just smile.)

Professor: “Get up here and explain your project.”

(I explain our project. Afterwards…)

Professor: “So you set her up knowing I would intimidate her.”

Me: “Yes.”

Professor: “And you knew I would give up.”

Me: “Yes. You are teaching sociology, after all.”

Professor: “Hmm, so really you were setting me up, Okay, for social engineering you earned an ‘A’, and your partner a ‘B.’ As for the rest of you, the bar is set, and you are still only at Cs.”

Professor: “Before we start discussing Congress, I was looking at a recent poll. Did you all know that America dislikes Congress more than cockroaches AND Nickelback?! I had no idea disliking Nickelback was a thing!”

(The class agrees, affirming that Nickelback hate is definitely a thing.)

Professor: “Well, I didn’t know that. But, evidently America prefers them over Congress. I should put that on the exam. Should I?”

(Again, we all laugh and agree. A month later, all thought of government and disliked bands forgotten, we are taking the final exam.)

Question #60: “True or False: Congress is less popular than Nickelback.”

(We are studying etymology, and the structure of languages trees. Our teacher is known for being informal and cool.)

Me: “Gah! I can’t seem to remember the order.”

Classmate: “Hold on, I’m in it…”

Teacher: “Come on. There are only four things to remember. ‘Family, Branch, Group, and Language. After that you get creoles, pidgins, and dialects, but you won’t be tested on that.”

Me: “I know, but it’s—”

Classmate: “I got it! ‘Fat B****s Get Laid!'”

Teacher: “Well, I guess that will do. Can I use it for my next class?”

(It’s been four years and I still remember it!)

(I am a high school freshman. I have an English teacher who is favored by mostly everyone for his humor and the activities he often does. We are doing an assignment near the end of class.)

English Teacher: “Now, I remember some of you were asking about my dog…”

(Lo and behold, he is holding a puppy on a leash. Keep in mind; this is in the middle of the school day. The class starts an uproar as he lets the class come up and pet her. At the end of class, I approach him.)

Me: “How did you get the school to let you bring your dog into class?”

English Teacher: “They let me do a lot of things they don’t know about.”

(I’m a TA teaching a review session for an upcoming midterm. I have a classroom full of students trying to understand a difficult philosophy-based chapter. I’m doing my best to explain it.)

Me: “So they believe that science is a lie because science can’t be true since it is based on subjective experience.”

Student: “So does that mean everything that we see in life is a lie?”

Me: “Yes. Everything you think you’ve ever known is false.”

Student: “Why?”

Me: “Because philosophers don’t want you to be happy.”

Student: “Man, f*** philosophers.”

(The class bursts out laughing while the student blushes.)

Student: “… I’m so sorry.”

Me: “No, valid argument. F*** philosophers.”