(I teach eighth grade at a very privileged school. I’m about halfway through the study hall that I have to keep silent.)

Student #1: *loudly starts to conjugate Latin verbs*

Me: “Excuse me, could you please do that in your head?”

Student #1: “But I have a very important Latin final that I absolutely have to study for!”

Me: “I know. But other people have to study, too, and this is a silent room.”

Student #1: “Well, [Student #2] was helping me study!”

Student #2: “No! I don’t even take Latin!”

Me: “[Student #1], would you like to go to the principal?”

Student #1: “YOU ARE VIOLATING MY RIGHTS! [Student #3], tell her she’s violating my rights!”

Student #3: “Shh… I’m trying to study!”

Me: “[Student #1], I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

Student #1: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. IT’S DISCRIMINATION. MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!”

(She storms out.)

Student #3: *quietly* “Who does she think she is, Draco Malfoy?”

(Biology class is doing group presentations on various systems of the human body. The student who is talking is generally considered the class troublemaker/slacker. He’s talking about joints, but clearly hasn’t done his research. He is reading what another student wrote, but he is coming up with his own examples on the spot.)

Student: “Joints can be classified by how movable they are. There are freely movable joints, like your elbow. There are fixed joints, like your skull. And there are semi-movable joints like…” *clearly guessing* “…your shoulder?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student: “Wrist?”

Teacher: “No.”

Student: “Knee?”

Teacher: “No.” *gives up, and tells him the correct answer* “Pelvis.”

Student: “Oh, right the pelvis.”

(He did an exaggerated pelvic thrust, complete with hand motions. Everyone burst out laughing, including the teacher, who just couldn’t suppress her laughter.)

(In orchestra class, we are all practicing our different sections of the music we are playing for an upcoming performance. One of our bass players is goofing around, shining a laser pointer in several people’s eyes. He gets to me, and after a few times of doing it, I whip my cello bow around and smack him in the arm several times.)

Student With Laser Pointer: “Ahhhh!”

Orchestra Director: *shocked* “What happened?!”

Me: “Nothing. It’s taken care of.”

Orchestra Director: “Oh, okay… Well, let’s play [Song] all the way through together. [Student With Laser Pointer], get back to your instrument.”

(I’m sitting at the front of the class with my friend. A boy in our class who has grabbed my friend’s purse, and is going through it. He finds a tampon, and pulls it out.)

Boy: “What’s this?”

Friend: “Put it back.”

Boy: “No, come on. Tell me!”

Friend: “Please just put it back.”

Boy: *holding the tampon up for everyone in the class to see* “What is this?”

(At this point in time, the whole class is staring.)

Boy: “Oh my gosh! Is this candy?”

Friend: “No.”

Boy: “Are you hiding it from me because it’s candy?”

Friend: “It isn’t candy.”

(The boy then proceeds to open the wrapper, push out the tampon, and slowly pull it apart, all the while, saying “What is this? Why does it push out? Why is there a string in it?” etc, while the class looks on in shock. Finally the teacher has had enough.)

Teacher: “Okay. If you stop talking, I’ll tell you what it is at the end of class.”

(The end of class rolls around.)

Boy: *poking the pile of cotton on his desk* “So what is it?”

Teacher: “It’s a tampon!”

Boy: “Ew!” *jumps up in disgust*

(My English teacher writes a question on the board for us to discuss while she leaves the room. I read it out.)

Me: “If the sky was a cloak, what kind of cloak would it be?”

Friend: “A big-a** cloak.”