(Student #1 is doing homework while our teacher is working on our computer, getting our work ready. Student #2, their best friend, is helping. Student #3 is not paying attention.)

Student #1: *reading paper* “Hey, [Student #2], what’s a rectum?”

Student #2: “It’s where your solid waste is stored before you poop it out.”

Me: “Well, let’s hope it’s solid.”

Student #1: *still writing answer* “[Student #3], do you have a rectum?”

Student #3: “…”

Student #2: “EVERYBODY HAS A RECTUM!”

Teacher: “I’m adding that to the list of weird things I hear in this class.”

(I am sitting in a psychology class. My professor, who has a vaguely European accent, is briefly covering the different fields of psychological study in a slideshow.)

Professor: “Next we have social psychology. It is the study of how people behave in groups.”

(The slide changes to show a group of neo-Nazis.)

Professor: “That’s what I do.”

(She points at the slide and glances briefly, almost moving on before realizing.)

Professor: “No! The social psychology! I’m not a Nazi!”

(Fortunately, we all believed her.)

(My US history teacher has just handed out a rather difficult test. About five minutes into the test, he helps us all out by giving a quick hint.)

Teacher: “Everyone, I am going to help you out. Here are the answers to some of the questions: A, C, D, A, C, B, D, A, C, A, B. Now, they are not necessarily in that order…”

(There is a troublemaker student that likes to spout out random and gross things towards the teacher just for giggles. The teacher is discussing essay formatting and how to write them.)

Troublemaker Student: “Hey, I’m going to write my essay on my penis. How’s that sound?”

(Everyone looks at him and then at the teacher to see how she would respond.)

Teacher: “Well, then, it is going to be a very short essay.”

(Everyone laughed, including the troublemaker. The light-hearted retort did not upset him at all, but made him more careful about the things he says in class!)

(I am in seventh grade. In science class we are learning about the reproductive system.)

Teacher: “Say it with me now. You are mature enough to handle this. Penis.”

(My friend goes into a giggling fit.)

Teacher: “[Friend], go stand in the hallway and calm yourself down!”

(We continue with the lesson. Suddenly, over half an hour later we hear a sneeze from the hallway.)

Teacher: “S***, I forgot her!”