Unproductive Mis-Conceptions

| BC, Canada | Learning | June 24, 2013

(Our teacher has just returned a test to us. One of the questions was, “List three forms of birth control.” I’ve only received 2/3 marks for this question.)

Me: “Why did I get marked wrong on this question?”

Teacher: “Because ‘abstinence’ is not a realistic form of birth control.”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘it’s not realistic?’ It’s 100% effective.”

Teacher: “It’s not realistic. You can’t expect people to control their population just by not having sex.”

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At The Wrist Of Sounding Like A Smart Aleck

| Lilburn, GA, USA | Learning | June 24, 2013

(In math class, the teacher writes the math problems down on a transparency that is projected on to the wall. As she is writing, she keeps turning the transparency page instead of moving her hand, making it hard to read.)

Student: “Excuse me, Ms.[teacher], can you stop turning the transparency please? We can’t read it.”

Teacher: “I’ll turn it back in a second when I’m done writing. I can’t move my hand.”

Student: “Why?”

Teacher: “My bracelet is stuck to the overhead. Does someone want to come help me?”

(A student gets up and goes to help unlatch the teacher’s bracelet from the overhead.)

Teacher: “Thank You. That is the second time this has happened today! Do you think I should take this bracelet off?”

Get Passive Aggressive And Mom Will Get Active Aggressive

| Richmond, VA, USA | Learning | June 23, 2013

(We rotate out of our normal teacher’s classes to go to a separate teacher for Reading Class. As we can’t write in our books, and it is called “Reading Class,” I never remember to bring my pencil, and consequently am called out by my teachers. After the third time I do this, my teachers call an emergency meeting with my mother.)

Primary Teacher: “So, as you know, [my name] has been having trouble remembering to bring his pencil to Reading Class.”

Mom: “You called me out of a client meeting for this?”

Reading Teacher: “It’s becoming a real problem. We think he’s doing it intentionally. It’s completely passive-aggressive. We think he should go into counseling for this behavior.”

Mom: “Wait. Why doesn’t someone just give him a f******* pencil?”

Reading Teacher: “That’s not the point. The point is your son is being extremely passive aggressive and needs therapy.”

(At this point, my mom bursts into tears.)

Primary Teacher: “Oh, don’t worry! He’s young, and with therapeutic intervention, he’ll be fine! And we’ll make sure he gets the help he needs while he’s in school.”

Reading Teacher: “And I know a really good counselor.”

Mom: “I’m not crying because my son ‘is passive aggressive and needs counseling,’ I’m crying because he has to spend ALL DAY SURROUNDED BY YOU F****** A*******.”

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Contimental

| NV, USA | Learning | June 23, 2013

Student #1: “I’m really glad that Africa just elected their first woman president.”

Student #2: “Africa’s a continent.”

Student #1: “Okay. The continent of Africa just elected their first woman president.”

The Vice Principal’s A Bit Slow-Pokey

| OH, USA | Learning | June 22, 2013

(Our science teacher has left early, and our vice principal is in charge of our class. Our teacher has left a science video for us to watch. The vice principal is trying to figure out how to use the VCR.)

Student: “Make sure the TV is on channel three.”

Vice Principal: *irritated* “I KNOW what I’m doing! Here we go…”

(The TV is actually turned to PBS, so we can see the current show airing, not the educational video we’re supposed to be watching.)

Student: “But that’s—”

Vice Principal: “Be quiet! Just sit down and watch!”

(For the next 40 minutes, our sophomore science class obediently watches Gumby, while the vice principal just looks extremely puzzzled. Finally just before the bell rings…)

Vice Principal: “I’m… not sure that’s what your teacher wanted you to see.”

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