(I return to college after serving a couple of terms in the military. While on campus I run into one of my grade school teachers.)

Teacher: “Oh, I remember you! You’re [My Name].”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You were my second grade teacher.”

Teacher: “What have you been doing?”

Me: “Well, I did about 13 years in the Navy and now that I’m out I decided to use my GI bill towards a degree.”

Teacher: “So, you’re about 18 now, right?”

(This is a note-heavy class, and our teacher has a tendency to forget certain points until after it would have been relevant to tell us.)

Teacher: “Okay… did we talk about the Brownings?”

Student: “No.”

Teacher: “Oh! I didn’t mention the Brownings to the other class!” *immediately regains composure* “Oh well. It’ll surprise them on the test.”

(She was joking; however, this happens unintentionally a lot.)

(A boy has come to school wearing makeup after losing a bet to his girlfriend.)

Male Student: “Oh, you look fabulous.”

Female Student: “Oh, my god, [Boy’s name]! You would make such a pretty girl!”

Teacher: *to female student* “Yes. And someday, you might too.”

(In history class, after the teacher asked us to read a booklet on archaeology:)

Student: “Oh, my God, why do we have to read this? It’s like a novel!”

(It was about 14 pages long and full of pictures.)

(We are in a figure drawing class. For this particular assignment we have a nude male model. It’s a long class so we have a short break about half-way through; the model usually puts on a bathrobe and walks to the smoking area. Unfortunately, because of California law, the smoking area is a few buildings over. Class is about to start up again when a security guard and a strange teacher come into the classroom and talk to our teacher.)

Security: “We had a complaint about a naked man running around?”

Art Teacher: “He wasn’t naked. He’s wearing a robe right now.”

Strange Teacher: “It’s indecent!”

Art Teacher: “He’s a model. You can see my students’ current projects.”

(The art teacher shows the security guard the drawings we are working on.)

Security: *after talking to the model for a bit* “Well, all I can say is be careful in the future.”

(The security guard and strange teacher leave.)

Model: “Was [Strange Teacher] upset that I was naked under my robe?!”

Student: “I’m naked under my clothes, too!”