Putting The Egg In V-egg-ie

, | GA, USA | Learning | April 26, 2013

(The dining hall where I work encourages vegetarian students to let staff know they’re vegetarian so that we can switch utensils when preparing food. I’m working the omelette bar.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you to—”

Student: “Change your utensils.”

Me: “Oh, are you a vegetarian?”

(I turn to grab the pan and spatula reserved for vegetarians.)

Student: “I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a vegan! Where are your vegan utensils?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this an omelette bar. We don’t have vegan utensils.”

Student: “WHAT!? Why don’t you have vegan utensils?”

Me: “Like I said, this is the omelette bar. Sometimes we’ll saute vegetables from the salad bar, but we don’t have any pans that haven’t touched eggs.”

Student: “That’s ridiculous! I want an omelette! How am I going to eat an omelette if you don’t have vegan utensils?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t even have egg substitute. We only use real eggs. I can’t make you a vegan omelette.”

Student: “Well what’s that?” *points at egg whites*

Me: “Those are the egg whites.”

Student: “Well those are vegan! Egg whites are vegan!”

Me: “No, they’re not. They’re still an animal product.”

Student: “Shut up! I’m a nutrition major! I know what vegan is! I demand to see your manager!”

(Suddenly, my co-worker, who is on break, walks by on his way to the drink machine.)

Me: “[Coworker’s name], can you get a manager over here?”

Co-Worker: “Sure. I’ll go find someone.” *walks off*

Student: “Stupid burger flipper! Make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know vegan!”

(This rant continues in the same vein until my co-worker returns — without a manager.)

Co-Worker: “Sorry, [my name]. They’re in a meeting. You need me to stay, or can I finish my break?”

Me: “Uh, do you know how to make a vegan omelette?”

Co-Worker: *laughs* “Seriously, did someone just ask you for that?”

Student: “Yeah! I did! Tell her to make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know that vegan means healthy!”

Co-Worker: *looks the girl up and down* “Look, that’s not possible. We don’t have any egg substitute. We only have eggs. Now you can let [my name] make you an omelette using the vegetarian utensils, or you can go to the salad bar. I’m going back to break. They don’t pay us enough to deal with this crap.”

Student: “Ugh! I can’t believe you’re being so rude. I’m never eating here again!”

Me: “Well if you’re not on the meal plan, maybe you can get a refund?”

Student: “I’m on the meal plan!”

Me: “You purchased the meal plan, but you’re never eating here again?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “That would mean you’ll lose money, though, if you bought the meal plan and you never use it.”

Student: “Oh, just make me a f****** omelette. Egg whites, peppers, spinach, tomato, and extra cheese.”

Me: “Um, it’s not vegan cheese.”

Student: “F*** you. Just put cheese on it.”

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Don’t Get Your Drills Twistered Up

| Memphis, TN, USA | Learning | April 25, 2013

(I am in middle school and we are having a tornado drill. During this drill, students and teachers must crouch in the hallway and cover their necks and heads. We all file into the hallways and assume the position. I happen to be nearest to the door and can see the sunny day outside.)


(I look up and see the voice is my friend outside spinning in a circle and screaming.)


(His whole class joins in and starts spinning and screaming. The teachers just stare at them in shock while the principal is located. Apparently, their teacher confused a tornado drill with a fire drill!)

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The Mother Of All Answers

, | Overland Park, KS, USA | Learning | April 25, 2013

(I am about 12 years old and in seventh grade. I have some mental illnesses that earned me an IEP, or “independent educational plan” throughout my schooling. There is a specific teacher who deals with IEPs and is called into class if we “act out.”)

PE Teacher: “Why aren’t you wearing your PE shoes? I know you have issues changing out, but you NEED your shoes!”

Me: “We just got back from winter break and I grew. My PE shoes are too small.”

PE Teacher: “You need to put on your PE shoes.”

Me: “I can’t. They’re too small and hurt my feet.”


Me: “Why can’t I just wear the shoes I have now? They’re also sneakers. Besides, you let [non-IEP student] wear her sneakers.”

PE Teacher: “She’s different than you! You need to put on your PE shoes RIGHT NOW or I’m calling [IEP Teacher]!”

(I do as she asks, begrudgingly. As expected, the shoes are too small and my feet begin to ache horribly. The above back and forth goes on for a while, until the PE Teacher decides to call my IEP teacher, insisting I’m just being difficult.)

IEP Teacher: “Why won’t you put on your PE shoes?”

Me: “They’re too small. We just got back from winter break, and I grew. They hurt my feet. Why can’t I just wear my other sneakers?”

IEP Teacher: “You need to wear your PE shoes.”

Me: “No. I won’t!”

IEP Teacher: “Fine. Come with me.”

(We leave class, but I’m only a little relieved; this IEP teacher is new and I don’t like her.)

IEP Teacher: “So, why wouldn’t you put on your PE shoes?”

Me: “They’re. TOO. SMALL. Please — I’ve been saying this for the last 45 minutes. The shoes I’m wearing are fine and if [non-IEP student] is allowed to wear her regular sneakers, why can’t I until I get new PE shoes?”

IEP Teacher: “No, you’re just being difficult.”

Me: *speechless*

IEP Teacher: “I’m going to call your mom, and she can come pick you up and take you to a shoe store to get you new PE shoes. Then you can come back here and finish the class.”

Me: “Let me get this straight… you’re going to call my mom while she’s at work, pull me out of school during class, and take me to get new shoes, and then COME BACK to FINISH the class? All in 20 minutes?”

IEP Teacher: “Yes, exactly!”

Me: “That’s f****** bull****.”

(I head back to PE class and, to my surprise, am not punished for my language. I later learn the following occurred seconds after I left when the IEP teacher still called my mom.)

IEP Teacher: “Your child cursed at me! She said an order I gave her was [curse].”

My Mom: “That’s odd. She wouldn’t curse like that unless she was given a reason. What did you tell her?”

(The IEP Teacher repeats her shoe shopping idea to my mom.)

My Mom: “Wait… so you want me to take time off work in the middle of the day, pick up my kid, take her to a shoe store so she can get some new PE shoes, and then somehow bring her back to school and sign her in in time to finish the class that, at now, only has 15 minutes left?”

IEP Teacher: “Yes, that’s all I asked!”

My Mom: “That’s f****** bull****.” *hangs up*

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I Can’t

| Learning | April 25, 2013


Welts In Your Wouth

| Chicago, IL, USA | Learning | April 25, 2013

(I teach a geometry class. For one activity, the students are using M&Ms to help grasp a concept.)

Student: *frantically waving hand* “Miss [my name], Miss [my name]! We have a problem!”

Me: “All right. What’s going on?”

Student: *horrified* “One of my M&Ms… has a ‘W’ on it!”

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