He’s Got Beef About The Chicken

I tried vegetarianism but just couldn’t get it to work, so I eat vegetarian most of the week, and when I do eat meat, it comes from responsible and ethical sources. I find that people struggle to understand this, and I’ve given up trying to explain. 

We are on a work outing at a fancy restaurant. The waiter explains that the chicken is locally-sourced and free-range and has been personally selected by the chef for the quality of the poultry and conditions of the farm.

Suitably impressed, I order the chicken, and when it comes, I know I made the right choice. The colour and size are impressive, and it tastes far better than any cheap factory meat.

Just then, my coworker looks up.

Coworker #1: “Aha! I knew it. Another fake vegetarian. Meat looked too good to resist?”

Me: “I never told you I was a vegetarian.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, cut the crap. I see you at work eating all the vegetarian meals.”

Coworker #2: “Leave him alone. He can change his mind if he wants.”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m not a vegetarian. I just don’t eat a lot of meat.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, right! I caught you; that’s why you’re saying that.”

Waiter: “I’m sorry, but I will have to ask you to keep the noise down.”

Me: “Sorry about him. We will be quiet.”

Coworker #1: *Getting angry* “The h*** I will. You can’t just brush this off”

Boss: “Shut up or leave, [Coworker #1].”

Coworker #1: *Loudly* “No, I’m not at work. You can’t tell me what to do!”

Waiter: “I will bring you the bill. And some to-go bags.”

Many of us haven’t even gotten our meals; we don’t want to leave.

Boss: “I remind you that you are representing the company, on a company-paid outing. You can and will be disciplined for your actions.”

Coworker #1: “Whatever. The food wasn’t even that good.”

He left and we just about managed to convince them to let us stay. The rest of the meal was awkward, but the food at least tasted good.