Found A Sweet Solution

(I work at a chocolate shop over the summer to help pay for college. I started last summer, when I took over from my roommate who was the manager. I’ve been managing on my own for about three days when a five-gallon bucket full of leak-water crashes through the ceiling, nearly flattens a customer, and leaves a giant hole in our ceiling. Since the store owner doesn’t speak English very well, especially over the phone, I am the one to make all the calls and get the repair estimates. The following takes place about two days after what I’ve come to call the “Bucket F***et.”)

Me: *walks into the store to find the owner up on a ladder, gluing a piece of paper over the hole* “Hey, [Owner]!”

Owner: “[My Name]! Look! Look at this!” *excitedly waves a small jar of glue at me*

Me: “Look at what?”

Owner: “This! This! I am clever! Smart! Look at this!”

(I inspect the jar. Our store makes caramel apples, and we make the caramel from scratch. We’re supposed to use a set recipe from our corporate office, but the owner loves to experiment, with unfortunate results. This past week, he has produced a batch of caramel that is so tough and sticky, it is literally impossible to eat. Sure enough, what I thought was glue or rubber cement is actually some of that super-sticky caramel! I stare from the jar to the square of white paper covering the hole in our ceiling.)

Me: “[Owner], did you just use caramel to glue that to the ceiling?”

Owner: “Yes! Yes! I am clever. Tricky!” *immensely pleased with himself*

Me: “Um. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Owner: “Yes! Yes! Is good!”

(I tried in vain to convince him to take down the caramelly paper. It stayed there for a good two weeks before he finally installed a light over the hole. To this day, he doesn’t understand how bad of a decision that was, or how many health code violations he made, and remains immensely proud of his “glue”!)