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Cut-Throat Leprechauns

| KS, USA | Related | December 15, 2013

(My mom is on the phone with her aunt. I’m not sure what they’re talking about. I had my tonsils removed when I was three.)

Mom: “Do you still have your tonsils?”

Aunt: “Yes. I do.”

Me: “I don’t. The leprechauns stole them…” *mutters* “…those dang leprechauns.”

The Tribble-ations Of Pet Ownership

| Houston, TX, USA | Related | December 15, 2013

(I have just received a box in the mail. I open it and pull out a package of furry, round cat toys. My teen daughter and I are both geeks.)

Daughter: “Finally! Tribbles!”

(Tribbles are from ‘Star Trek’. They are extremely cute and cuddly, and are about the size and shape of a furry soccer ball. They also multiply VERY quickly. Gremlins also multiply rapidly but require water to do so.)

Me: “Baby tribbles.”

(I throw one onto the floor for the cats. It lands near their water bowl.)

Daughter: “No! It’ll multiply, won’t it?!”

Me: *annoyed glare* “No, that’s gremlins. You’d think I’d have taught you better!”

Daughter: “But, tribbles multiply so easily! It’s not safe.”

Me: “I wish these would. Then I wouldn’t have to buy them so often.”

Daughter: “But they’ll multiply and fill the house!”

Me: “Good. I can sell the extra ones on [auction website].”

Daughter: “But then they’d cover the whole planet.”

Me: “Okay. We’ll find the Klingon home world and dump the extras there.”

(My daughter and I laugh as we remember that the Klingons went out and hunted down every last tribble in existence. Go geeks!)

Might Have To Pay Through The Nose

| OK, USA | Romantic | December 15, 2013

(I’m in the back room when my wife comes in.)

Wife: “Hey. I’ve got good news for you.”

Me: “Oh?”

Wife: “You know that little gnat that has been flying around in the living room?”

Me: “Yah?”

Wife: “Well, it went up my nose and I think it’s dead. But we’ll know if it flies out at supper.”

Me: “Oh, my.”

Wife: “I’ve a little ticklish feeling in my throat now.”

As You Wishful Thinking

| ON, Canada | Romantic | December 15, 2013

Boyfriend: “Awesome side note. Halloween costume idea for a couple: Princess Bride. As Westley and Buttercup.”

Me: “That is brilliant, and you need to have sex with me right now.”

Boyfriend: “As you wish.”

Why Does Every Joke Sound Like Chicken

| UK | Learning | December 15, 2013

(My classmates are taking it in turns to tell jokes to the class. One of my classmates stands up.)

Classmate #1: “Knock-knock!”

Class: “Who’s there?”

Classmate #1: “Pinecone!”

Class: “Pinecone who—”

Classmate #1: “Chicken!”

(The class erupts into laughter, then stops as they realise that they don’t understand the joke.)

Classmate #2: “Wait… what? I don’t get it!”

Classmate #3: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

Classmate #1: “Well, I didn’t have a joke. But people just laugh when I say ‘chicken’!”

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