(Our office is filled with IT people, which means we may be working odd hours or away from the office. As a result, we keep each other updated through email. One of my coworkers has worked late one night, and discovered her car had a flat tire. This is how she informed our office that she’d be late the next day:)

Coworker #1:
“A large metal rod has been found,
In between my car’s wheel and the ground.
Though the car’s not at fault,
The dramatic result,
Is the tire is no longer quite round.”

(I am the first to read the email. I feel I have to respond appropriately… in haiku.)

Me:
“When road debris strikes,
There is but one thing to do:
Curse the parking lot.”

(This opens the floodgates.)

Coworker #2:
“I feel for you and I believe you’re wronged,
And blame your car for wheels are not its strength.
I would go on in this same vein at length,
But on my desk my daily tasks are thronged.”

Coworker #3:
“Blame not the victim of dread circumstance,
Are you at fault should something prick your toe?
The tire is deflated enough by chance,
Puff it to round and watch [Name’s] best car go!”

(The CEO of our company then joins in, who is not to be outdone.)

CEO:
“The happy tire revolves the live-long day,
Never to give [Name] cause for slightest care,
But meeting rod, is punctured; losing air,
Becomes a cause of grief and great delay.

And now the tire that once was round and gay,
Is flat and [Name] must seek for quick repair.
She takes her car a new direction where,
She finds relief but fears the price to pay.

For tires purchased must installed be,
And lo the seller will total cost:
Not just for tire but all the special care,
To balance, mount plus tax, recycling fee…
Gives cause to ponder all that has been lost,
Not seeing rod in road and driving there.”

(Finally, after getting her tire fixed, the first coworker sends a short message.)

Coworker #1: “I pity my friends who work at ‘normal’ companies with ‘normal’ people.”

Me: “Hun, if I got bitten by a zombie what would you do?”

Boyfriend: “That depends; are you a rotting pile of flesh, or like a virus goes-crazy-but-is-still-alive kind?”

Me: “Let’s go with the virus.”

Boyfriend: “Then I would tie you to my bed and muzzle you, so that you can’t hurt me, and I can cuddle you every night and still love you.”

Me: “Aww. When you said tie me to your bed, I totally thought you were going somewhere else with that.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah…”

(It is Halloween. Everyone is chattering excitedly. My English teacher waves to quiet us down. There is a journaling prompt on the board: ‘Write about something that scares you.’)

Teacher: “So, what did you guys write in your journals? What scares you guys?”

(A few people respond but most of us are silent.)

Teacher: “Let me see if I can give you some inspiration.”

(She then proceeds to pull up a photo of a scary clown. No one says anything.)

Teacher: “No? How about this?”

(She then pulls up a photo from ‘The Shining’ of the man sticking his head through the hole in the wall. Still it is silent.)

Teacher: “Really? Nobody? Okay. Last one.”

(The final image is an image of One Direction. Most of the students are boys or tomboyish girls.)

Class: *screams*

(My boyfriend is trying to convince me to watch another episode of a show we have recently started watching. I’m tired, as I have worked all day, and we started watching the episodes right after I got home.)

Boyfriend: “Just one more episode! Pleeeeeasee!”

Me: “No! We’ve watched three already!”

Boyfriend: “Pleeeaseeeeeee?

(My boyfriend starts putting on the next episode.)

Me: “No! Lurrveee merrrr! Err nerrd lurrve, lurve merrrr!”

Boyfriend: “Er lurve yer ser heeerrrdddd.”

Me: “…man, we have perbremmms.”

(I am at my boyfriend’s house. His family has just started decorating the Christmas tree. The ornaments use a stiff hooked wire instead of a string. The hook is big enough to hang on your finger.)

Boyfriend: “Okay. Just grab a few of these ornaments and start hanging them up.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I take an ornament in each hand and pause.)

Boyfriend: “On the tree! Hang them on the tree!”

Me: *disappointed* “Aww. You had to specify.”

Boyfriend: “Yes, because I know you too well. You were going to hang them on me.”

(My boyfriend was right; I was planning on hanging them on his clothes!)