Can’t Sea(Food) You

I’m the idiot customer. A few months into the global shutdown, at the end of a very long day of dodging anti-maskers while in the grocery store and running errands, I order pickup from my favorite cheap seafood chain. This particular seafood joint is located right next to a steak chain. Cue me logging onto the app, confirming I’m here, and giving a description of the car. I sit there waiting and playing on my cell, not paying attention to how long I’ve been sitting there.

An employee knocks on the window, scaring the bejeebus out of me.

Employee: “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

I am laughing hysterically.

Me: “Oh, holy crap, that was funny! It’s all good and I’m more awake now. Is that my order?”

The employee is obviously relieved to find out I’m not a problem customer.

Employee: “Um, no, ma’am. I just wanted to know the name on your order?”

Me: “Oh! It’s [My Name].”

The employee goes to check but comes back empty-handed and looking terrified.

Employee: “Um… I can’t find that name. Is it under another?”

Me: *Opening the app* “Weird, I just sent it from my cell right before I got here through the app. Let me see what the confirmation number is.”

Employee: *Now with a deer-in-headlights look* “We don’t use an app for to-go orders. We only do call-in orders.”

Me: *Confused* “But why would [Seafood Chain] have an app if you don’t use it?”

Employee: *Suddenly trying to remain professional and not crack up* “Uh… ma’am, this… uh… this is [Steak Place].”

Me: *With dawning horror on my face* “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM ANYMORE! I AM SO SORRY! Oh, gods, I just turned into my mother.”

I then cracked myself up so bad I had to sit there for a minute before I could drive across the parking lot to the correct pickup area and get my food and explain to the food runner why I said I was there when I wasn’t. He laughed, too. A year later, I still get the giggles when I think of it.