Another Bloody Know-It-All

(I clock in for the morning shift. I’m working the typical shift on the register of a cashier who has been with the company since the 80s. She firmly believes she knows everything about the store… and everything in general. Customers deliberately avoid her line sometimes for her loud, bossy, know-it-all attitude. She also says ‘ya know’ at the end of every sentence. I reach my register, and both the cashiers and the head manager are conversing about something that must have been exciting.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], you missed it.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker #1: “I rang up an elderly man about a half-hour ago, and when he turned his head, I saw the back of his skull had been gashed open and was bleeding profusely. I asked him about it, and he had no idea what I was talking about!  [Manager] called for an ambulance while the man demanded me to get him mirrors so he could see this ‘supposed’ gash. The paramedics stitched him up and strongly offered to either drive him home or to the hospital, but he refused. During the time they were tending to him, he conjured three different stories as to how it happened. He also repeatedly said he had to pick up his girlfriend from a local health campus, then an assisted living center down the street, and then it was the health campus again. Since they couldn’t physically keep him from driving, they had to let him go.”

(I am amazed, but start my shift. Later, Coworker #1 gets back after being on the phone.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, so we have a development in the story. Apparently he went from here to his doctor’s office, not about his head, just to order a refill on a prescription. This is from the nurse there who called our pharmacy about the script. He got to the doctor’s office, started bleeding again, blatantly refused treatment OR a ride, proceeded to get into an accident right near the office.”

(We’re all astounded at the stubbornness of this customer. At this point a different manager has leaned in, hearing us talk about the story. He shakes his head as he looks over at me and my register, which is usually manned by that know-it-all cashier during this time of day.)

Manager: I’m just glad [Know-it-all Cashier] wasn’t here today, because she would have been sitting there trying to tell the paramedics how to do their jobs.”

Me: “Oh, my god, you’re right. ‘You gotta stop the bleeding, ya know? You gotta put pressure on it, ya know? You gotta stitch him up, ya know?'”

Manager: “I would have paid good money to watch them, with all of their years of schooling and actual expertise, just tell her to shut the f*** up. God knows I’ve always wanted to.”