Airports Always Bring Out The Goodbyes

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(My mum is the bad customer in this story. This takes place back in ‘80s before I was born. My mum is saying goodbye to a then-boyfriend at an airport, in a very inappropriate public display of affection. They are passionately kissing with my mum straddled across his lap; they can barely take their hands off each other, groping, grabbing, etc. Eventually they pull themselves apart and she goes to the check in. In her defence, mum has always had a wicked sense of humour.)

Air Hostess: *while at boarding gate* “So, saying goodbye to a loved one?”

Mum: “Yeah, that was my brother.”

Air Hostess: *literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*

(Mum said she hoped one day the hostess realised she was joking.)

1 Thumbs
  • motherfckngfox

    Your mom has a relatively odd sense of humor.

    • Novelista

      …could you teach me how to format my comments like that?

      • sackes

        …could you teach me how to format my comments like that?

        text bold,

        (just remember to take off the spaces in the code above)

        • Novelista

          I didn’t know if it took BBCode, HTML or something else.

          Arigato, sensei!

    • Edward Anderson

      I think the word you’re looking for is “dirty”.

  • Will Flynn

    Ah, gotta *love* when folks have an awesome sense of humor. More of this and less uptightness would go a long way to improving our lot here.

  • Lily Dell

    The joke was funny but that level of public affection is tacky and unnecessary. Keep it at home.

    • Leah

      pretty sure OP already acknowledged that.

    • Matt Westwood

      If you don’t want to watch it, close your eyes or walk around blindfolded. I don’t want to see your ugly face, exposing it in public is tacky and unnecessary, but you don’t see us whining and wailing about it all the time like a bossy little schoolgirl.

      • Lily Dell

        How childish of you.

  • Robert Carnegie

    How do you know this story from before you were born (with the, um, actions), and, is it -how- you were born?

    • Benny

      Occassionally people tell stories about things that happened in the past.

      • Matt Westwood

        The point is that it’s information superfluous to the story.

        • Benny

          How DARE they offer details!

          We must revoke their keyboard privileges!

    • Kumajiro

      A story of how someone was concieved is still a story from before they were born.

      • Lucky Vine

        Nobody said it wasn’t.

    • jackiesayshuh

      I know stories from before my mum was born lol. back during probation my grandmother was in her early to mid teens she was the youngest so her siblings where older one day they borrowed( stole) my great grand fathers car and some shine (that part of my family where shine runners) at some point the ran off the road and down a steep hill my great aunt joy was sitting passanger and had an open bottle of shine she was drinking. The store goes that she kept the bottle turning to keep it from spilling as they rolled down the hill. once the car came to a stop she hopped out hiked up her skirt to wipe some debris off the bottle then took a swig looked at my grandmother and told her “remember when daddy ask Ed was driving ok”

      • Robert Carnegie

        Here’s a story and I’m not sure where in family history it occurred (or maybe an old joke?), but I understand that a female ancestor was sent (accompanied?) to the nearby farm, to bring home an egg for her dinner and one for her brother. But she dropped one egg on the way home and it smashed. “Oh!” she said. “Poor Colin!”

        But neither of my parents told me any stories about them getting frisky in public places. Maybe my sisters got more information.

        The closest I have to that, which isn’t very, is I think when it was that my mum decided she had more than friendly interest in dad; she was in hospital and he came in to visit her, and she thought a nurse was flirting with him – and inside her head she said, “Back off, lady! He’s mine! …Oh. Right.”

        • Lucky Vine

          Um, what’s the point of the second story? Why did your mother even bother to tell you that she THOUGHT something once? And what do you mean by “Oh. Right.” ? Oh right what? What did your mother realize then?

          • Robert Carnegie

            “Oh. Right.” That was the moment when she realised she was thinking possessively about this person she knew. and realised what that meant about her feelings. Maybe that isn’t a great way to describe it, blame me… allowing for that, it’s how it happened for them.

      • Novelista

        My mom pointed out that her parents’ anniversary was in May(? June?) and she was born in December, but that’s the most elaborate she’s gotten. (Of course, I really didn’t have any idea when my grandparents were married, so she basically waited until their 50th to tell me that my grandmother was a few months pregnant at the wedding!)

  • Nuckin Futz

    discuss dick sizes with your mum, too? boundaries?

    • Samantha Jane James

      You don’t discuss dick size with your mum? Missing out. Once you’re an adult, friend mums are the best mums.

      • Gnomer Denois

        My mum once told me that she could say for certain that shoes size and dick size are not related and while fine, be open, honestly, I know what size shoes my father and stepfather wear and that’s not information I needed about either of them.

        • Lucky Vine

          But because shoe and dick size are not necessarily related, you actually don’t have TMI about your relatives. You’re just speculating based on what your mother told you. BTW sometimes large feet DO equal a large package. Just not always.

          • Tyler Tenebrae

            “Coincide” is the word I would use.

    • Summercat

      I’m a dude and I discuss dick sizes of past boyfriends with my mom.

      • Matt Westwood


        • Summercat

          I broke Matt. I feel slightly accomplished!

      • Novelista

        My mom told me about oral with my stepfather–while she was still married to him. (In my defense, I was a teen and knew nothing about that type of sex–and we all know it’s not a safe thing to google!)

  • Darth Pseudonym

    If the fight attendant feels the need to make personal comments and stick her nose in others’ business, she deserves whatever snark comes her way.

    • Philacook

      It seems to be the kind of snark that one encounters regularly with Australians. It’s English humour with an extra helping of sarcasm.
      And the hostess should have seen it coming.

    • Kalu-chan

      Sorry but I can’t help but giggle about your typo as “fight attendant”. That might make the whole story very different…

      • Darth Pseudonym

        Ha! I don’t even notice.

      • Charles Ulric Phillips

        Maybe it was a United Flight.

    • Jackie Fauxe

      She probably encounters a lot of people sad about leaving those they love behind, and maybe she’s found that some friendly small talk helps?

      We weren’t there to hear her tone so we can’t know for sure, but I’d like to think that her intentions were good. It makes the world a better place, you know?

    • Lucky Vine

      When you make out in a public place, it’s everybody’s business. End of discussion.

      • Pablo Criaturilla

        No, it’s not. Discussion not closed.

  • Kitty

    Why did the air hostess even ask? If it was for small talk, this is the type of reason why the whole small talk thing needs to die out.

  • Cathrope

    I like odd, dark/creepy humor.

  • SylviasDaddy

    If a man and a woman love each other, and they want a right proper snog, they should go for it, and the naysayers can sod off.

    • Lucky Vine

      It’s disturbing that you are somebody’s father, and yet you condone your own daughter doing this.

      • SylviasDaddy

        Okay — Lucky Vine is a naysayer, so Lucky Vine can sod off.

  • Deadpool
  • Mushroom

    I think you know too much about your mother. 😉

    Reminds me of the comedian doing a bit about rednecks that used the name “Uncle Daddy”. 😀

  • Steve Mitchell

    Well that’s a very weird way for your mum to tell you that you’re inbred.

  • Ozzlik

    To be fair… that was a here’s your sign moment from the hostess

    • Lucky Vine

      How so?

      • Ozzlik

        As op’s mom was getting fairly intimate with her then boyfriend, it was pretty obvious what was going on.

  • Matilda

    You know, that wasnt the only reason your mum was a bad customer…

    • Lucky Vine

      Care to finish that thought?

      • Matilda

        Not really no.

  • JDP

    Mum sounds hilarious tbh.

  • Michael Bugg

    Just to their left, a dwarf was rolling his eyes at them.

  • Lucky Vine

    The most disturbing thing about this story is that your mother actually thought it was appropriate to tell it to you. Even if you are an adult.

    • Matt Westwood

      Funny, because your mother discusses dick sizes with everyone, specially in bed. Mind, she did tell me mine was “disappointing”, which cut me down to size a bit …

  • arglebargle

    I’m relatively conservative as things go, but when I was a newlywed and visiting my parents, my wife was sitting on my lap a bit like that and I couldn’t help but cop a feel… while totally forgetting my dad was in the room. Oh, well. Embarrassment all around.

  • Matt Westwood

    … and she says to him: “You don’t do it like Daddy,” and he says to her, “Yeah, Mummy says that as well.”

  • Thomas Solebrant

    You say bad, I say savage.

    • Pablo Criaturilla

      You say savage, I say you just used a meme word without actually knowing what it means.

      • Thomas Solebrant

        While yes, I had memes in my thought, the use of savage in this case is still correct. You might want to look it up in a dictionary.

        So if you thought you could score internet points by assuming I didn’t know what the word means, I’m afraid it backfired.

        • Pablo Criaturilla

          So, if I understood you correctly, what you meant is that she’s fierce, brutal, uncivilized and/or barbaric? Because that still sounds quite wrong to me.

          • Thomas Solebrant

            Uncivalized sounds pretty spot on. It also can mean:
            “(of something bad or negative) very great; severe.
            “the decision was a savage blow for the town”
            synonymer: severe, crushing, devastating, crippling, terrible, awful, dreadful, dire, catastrophic, calamitous, ruinous;”.

            I assume you think savage can only be used for violent/physical behavior?

          • Pablo Criaturilla

            No. Simply put, I fail to see how a harmless joke could be described as crushing, uncivilized, or any of the many sinonyms given, as there’s no actual consequence out of it but a perplexed flight attendant.

          • Thomas Solebrant

            I have no idea why this is so hard for you to grasp or why you even care, but fine. If you read the story it says the mom always had a wicked sense of humor, so it shouldn’t be the first or last time, it also says the attendant “*literally jumps and stares at my mum in horror*”.

            So if you go tell strangers jokes that leaves them horrified, and in this case don’t even clarify it’s a joke, that is in my opinion being savage. But hey it might be extremely common thing where you live, what do I know?

  • Max Caulfield

    If the airport in question was at Hobart, then this story would be perfect.

    • Blake Barrett

      Certainly wouldn’t be Arcadia Bay.

  • Kristen

    Your mum has an amazing sense of humour OP!

  • Upvoting this is a guilty pleasure for me. 😀

  • Dan

    For all the hostess knew your mother was from Tasmania.