A Vertical Slice Of Bad Customers

(I’m delivering a pizza. At the time, the standard tip is $1 to $3. Also, for safety reasons, we only carry about $20 in small bills for change.)

Me: *starting my standard spiel as the door opens* “Good evening. Your order comes to…”

(Instead of an adult, a little boy of about three has answered. He’s got a bunch of money in one of his fists.)

Mother: *from far side of apartment* “Give him the money, sweetie.”

(The boy holds up his fist with the money, and I take it from him. With bills and coins, the amount he’s given me is the exact total; no tip is included.)

Me: *not wanting to give a hot pizza to a little child* “Ma’am, do you want to come get this?”

Mother: “No, give it to [Boy]. He can handle it.”

(I hand the pizza to the boy as carefully as I can. He turns away, holding the pizza vertically, and the door closes. I resign myself to getting no tip; it happens.)

Mother: *opening door as I’m walking away* “Oh, wait! Do you have change for a $20?”

Me: *thinking she’s going to tip me from breaking her $20* “Sure, ma’am. Here’s 5, 10, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20.”

Mother: *recounts change* “Okay, thanks! Bye!” *closes door without tipping*

(I then had to continue to my next delivery without any change, and without a tip.)