A Minor Problem With Understanding The Rules

I swapped jobs quite recently. I’m now at a solid divey spot in my city. They have great food and great staff. Everything’s great… but the one thing I cannot stand about working here is the number of people who think their infant does not qualify as a minor. I live in Canada, and the legal age in my province is eighteen.

We’re licensed as a bar, so we have a BIG sign on the door that says, “No minors.” When we seat incomplete parties or take reservations over the phone, we make sure and ask:

Us: “Hey, everybody in your group is eighteen, right?”

The number of people we get strolling in with double-decker strollers and a toddler on each hip is astounding.

Customer #1: “They’re really well-behaved!”

That’s awesome. Still no minors

Customer #2: “She’ll be eighteen in a week.”

Well, happy early birthday! Still no minors.

Customer #3: “Does my newborn count? He’s sleeping!”

Aw, sleepy guy. Still no minors.

“No minors” means NO MINORS. NONE. ZERO. If they cannot LEGALLY PURCHASE A BEER, they’re not allowed. End of story, morning glory.

I wanna SCREAM.