Unfiltered Story #260700

Since it has been a very long time since my last one I am scheduled for a colonoscopy tomorrow. For those of you that do not know what that entails I am going to please those who do by refusing to give details. I had made the appointment a month ago.
I receive a call from the GI doctor’s office yesterday informing me that my heart doctor has not returned the form they sent to them asking for me to be cleared for the procedure and that it will be canceled if it is not returned. I tell them that my heart doctor is in the office adjacent to their office and that it is only 20 feet from their door to the to the other office door. They tell me that it has to either be faxed or brought to their office.
So I call the heart doctor’s office and they tell me that if they did not fax the form that they will send it and call me when they do so.
By noon today I have received no calls from any doctor so I call the GI guy four times with the following results, answering service, answering service, voice mail, voice mail and I leave a message each time. I call the heart doctor’s office and they look up my records and find the form with a note saying that it was faxed two weeks ago and they also saved a copy. So I think that all is good.
At 3:45 the GI office calls and tells me that they have still not received the form and that the procedure will be canceled if they do not get it by my appointment tomorrow morning and since it is now less than 24 hours until the appointment that I will have to pay a $250 cancelation fee which will not be covered by insurance. When I tell them that it was faxed two weeks ago they look through the pile for that time but cannot find it.
I then explain to them again that the other doctor’s office is right next to theirs and that the two offices share a wall and that if someone from their office would only go to that wall and use their fist to punch a hole through said wall that they could then talk to my heart doctor who could then pass the form through the hole, or they could just be silly and walk a few feet down the hall to go get it. Not possible they say, it has to be brought or faxed.
So screw it, I tell them that I will go get it and bring it to them now. Then they tell me that they close in 15 minutes and how could I possibly get it to them by then? I resist the impulse to ask them why they waited until now to call me and instead tell them that I live right behind the hospital and that I only have to move the form 20 damn feet to get it to them.
I jump in the car and break more than a couple of traffic laws including using my phone while driving to call the heart doctor to ask them to please have the form at their front desk when I get there. I park in the first spot in front of the hospital, run up the stairs to the heart doctor’s office, grab the form and walk it the 20 feet to the GI office with 7 minutes to spare only to see a sign on the office window that says, “Please take a seat and we will be with you shortly.” I sit in the empty waiting room and stare laser beams through the forehead of the woman sitting behind the sign. Surprisingly, she does not die.
Eventually she must acknowledge my existence, slides open the window, and asks how she can help me. Fortunately just before I can give her a caustic reply I remember that tomorrow I will be unconscious in their care so I just tell them who I am and give them their precious form.
I ask them to make a copy for me and ask if I am now good for the procedure tomorrow. She checks and says that I am now OK and why do I need a copy. I reply that with all the trouble that the form has caused I want to make sure that if something happens to the copy they have that I will have another. She gives me the copy and on my way out asks me if I have any questions.
I think of asking them how it is possible to lack the ability to walk 20 feet but I decided it would not be a good idea.