You’re Not Entitled To Anyone’s Backstory, Especially If You’re A Bigot

CONTENT WARNING: Misgendering, Dehumanization

I legally changed my name a few years ago for personal reasons. I started my current job months after, so nobody has known me by my old name.

I’m in the break room on lunch when one of the cashiers comes in. She has a reputation for being bigoted and annoying, but I’ve managed to ignore it so far.

Cashier: “I heard you used to have a different name!”

Me: “Yeah, what about it?”

Cashier: “So you’re not really [My Name]!”

Me: “I’m [My Name]. It’s what I go by, and it’s what the government has me as.”

Cashier: “Yeah, but you weren’t born as [My Name]! Are you a [transphobic slur]?!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Cashier: “People only change their names for witness protection or if they’re [slur]s! And you can’t admit you were in witness protection, so you have to be a [slur]!”

Me: “You know what? This conversation is done.”

My lunch is over, and it takes me a bit to track down a manager and explain what happened. In that time, the cashier takes it upon herself to inform everyone she sees come through the break room that I am transgender.

The manager pulls both of us into his office.

Manager: “[Cashier], I’ve been told you’ve been making assumptions about [My Name]?”

Cashier: “Yeah! It’s lying about being [My Name]!”

Manager: “I… don’t understand.”

Cashier: “It wasn’t born as [My Name], so that’s not who it really is! They’re a [slur]!”

Manager: “First, her old name and reason for the change are none of your business. Second, we don’t tolerate discrimination here. Even if someone openly identifies as transgender, you cannot refer to them by such cruel words and your choice of pronouns. Third, you decided to out [My Name] — without even knowing if it was true or not. If she is transgender, she can come out if and when she’s ready on her own.”

Cashier: “YOU SHOULDN’T DEFEND IT! [SLURS] AREN’T REAL PEOPLE!”

My manager suspended her. While state laws don’t outright offer LGBT+ protections yet, the company itself does. Luckily, the rest of my coworkers said that they didn’t pay the cashier much attention.