Won’t Be Roped Into It

(My boyfriend and I are spending a night at home with a bottle of wine. At this point he’s had about a glass and a half and is saying whatever comes to mind.)

Me: “I think my boobs are too big.”

Boyfriend: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “Really?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah. They don’t, like, choke you in the night or anything, do they?”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “OH! When you’re 60 you could jump rope with them!”

Me: “The h***, man?”

Boyfriend: “We could double dutch!”

(After he’s said the last bit he looks very pleased with himself and goes back to the wine.)