The Monetary Cost Of An Apology

(I work at a civil division court office.)

Plaintiff: *explains backstory as to what brought him there* “I want to sue for an apology.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you cannot sue for an apology. You can only sue for a monetary value.”

Plaintiff: “But I don’t want any money. I only want an apology!”

Me: “Again, sir, you cannot sue for an apology. You have to determine a dollar amount and sue for that.”

(We go back and forth I don’t know how many times, until finally:)

Plaintiff: “FINE! I will sue him for ONE DOLLAR.”

Me: “Okay, good. Now, if I can just get you–”

Plaintiff: “AND AN APOLOGY!”

Me: *headdesk*

(He did actually pay $25 to file a claim for $1. He and the defendant ended up settling out of court, but I was not privy to those proceedings so I’ve always wondered if the plaintiff did, in fact, get his apology.)