(My car has suddenly died with no warning, and I manage to get it pulled to the side of the road before I lose momentum. I call AAA to request a tow, and, since it’s absolutely pouring and I’m on a street running through a park (no houses or shops), I sit in my car while I wait – for over an hour and a half. When the driver shows up, it’s the same guy who always comes to haul my car away when it misbehaves (now four times in three years), so we joke with each other a bit.)

Driver: “Man, if I’d known it was you sitting here waiting I would’ve told the last lady she could suck it!”

Me: *surprised* “Why? What was wrong with her car?”

Driver: “She called it in as multiple flat tires, and when I got there, you know what it was?”

Me: “No…?”

Driver: “They were just really bald and she was afraid to drive it in this rain! She had me tow her home!”

Me: “Let me guess. Luxury car.”

Driver: “Got it in one.”

(So, lady who wasted that guy’s time and made me even later for work, may you have an actual problem someday and have to wait – and wait – and WAIT!)

(I’ve bought a used car and it runs out of gas a bit before the gauge is near empty. I run out of gas on the freeway and pull over the shoulder. I call my boyfriend to bring me fuel but as he shows up, so does the county-run tow truck designed to keep the freeways clear.)

Boyfriend: “Did you call a tow truck, too?”

Me: “No, he just showed up.” *turning to the driver* “Sorry, I think we’re okay actually.”

Driver: *ignoring me, talking to my boyfriend* “Don’t worry. I’ll just add some gas to her tank. No charge.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I already brought gas so we may as well use it.”

Driver: “The females often forget to check if there car has enough gas.”

Boyfriend: “Uh…”

Me: “It’s not my fault. The car gauge showed that it still had gas.”

Driver: “The females always forget to pull their cars to the shoulder, so we have to drive around to keep the roads clear during rush hour.”

Boyfriend: “Uh…”

Me: *annoyed* “But I did pull to the shoulder!”

Boyfriend: “Uh…”

Me: “Jeez, can I get some backup?!”

(I work in a call centre for a company that does roadside assistance for cars that have either broken down or need a tow. We also provide a free service to get babies out of locked cars as this is classed as an emergency situation. It is one of the hottest days of summer.)

Me: “Could I please start with your registration or membership card number.”

Caller: “I’VE LOCKED MY BABY IN THE CAR! SHE’S ONLY A MONTH OLD! PLEASE, HELP!”

Me: “Okay. First of all, I need your location and the make and model of your car.”

Caller: “I’m at [popular shopping centre] and my car is [Expensive Brand] [newest model sedan].”

Me: “Due to these cars being so new our patrols cannot open them from the outside and will have to smash a window. The windscreen would be the safest, as it is the cheapest to replace and also the furthest away from the baby.”

Caller: “NO! THIS IS A BRAND NEW CAR! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK THE DOOR!”

Me: “I’m sorry but I have sent two patrols to your location. They will smash the window to get the baby out as it is a hot day and the temperature in the car could kill the baby!”

Caller: “I DON’T CARE! YOU ARE NOT SMASHING THE WINDOW!”

Me: “Okay. Well, the patrols should be there within five minutes. Please wait by the car and stay calm.” *hangs up*

(I immediately call the police and ambulance so they can attend the scene as well. I later hear that the lady attacked the patrol officer when he tried to smash the window, all while screaming and swearing about her new car. The police promptly arrested her for assault and endangering a child, and the windscreen was broken to get the baby out.)

(I work in the call center for a roadside assistance company in New Zealand. When members run out of fuel, we can bring it out to them, but they must pay for the fuel.)

Me: “Welcome to road service, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m out of fuel and I’m in the middle of [remote mountain pass].”

Me: “That’s fine, we can find you. Do you have money for the fuel?”

Customer: “Of course not! If I had money, I would have filled up before I started on my trip, you idiot!”

This story is part of the “I Can’t Believe They Thought That Would Work!” roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!

(I work in a call center that answers calls from people with broken cars in foreign countries. We always ask how many people are on board the car.)

Me: “Are there any children in your car?”

Customer: “Yes, four children. One of the children is under four. Three are aged between four and twelve and one is older than twelve.”

Me: “So, you have five children?”

Customer: “No! Four children!”

Me: “But, you just mentioned five children.”

Customer: “Don’t you think I know how many kids I have?”

Customer: *To his wife.* “Honey, how many kids do we have?”

Customer: “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve got five children.”