(One man, probably in his mid-twenties, is sitting with two similarly-aged attractive women.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ladies and gentle sir. My name is [Name] and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you anything to drink while you look at the menus?”

Female #1: “I’ll take a Coke.”

Female #2: “Me, too.”

Me: “Okay. Two Cokes, and… for you, sir?”

Guy: “Don’t call me ‘sir’! I’m too young to be a ‘sir.'”

Me: “Yeah, I know how you feel. Can I get you anything to drink though, s- uh, mister?”

Guy: “Don’t call me mister, either! And I’ll have an iced tea.”

Me: “Okay, okay. Sorry. Two cokes and an iced tea, coming right up.”

(I get the drinks quickly and come back to their table.)

Me: “Right, here we go. Two cokes for the lovely young ladies, and an iced tea for… ah, young master.”

Guy: *buries his face in his arms in shame as the women burst out laughing*

(I am at a well-known dine-in restaurant with a to-go area.)

Cashier: “Hi. Welcome to [Restaurant]. Would you like to make a to-go order?”

Me: “I actually did online, since I had to check your wheat allergy menu. It’s under [My Name].”

Cashier: “Oh. You have Celiac disease?”

Me: “No, just a wheat allergy. I break out into hives all over.”

Cashier: “That’s too bad.” *rings me up* “I see you got a salad. Would you like some rolls with this?”

Me: “Um, no. Just the salad with my meal. I’d end up throwing the rolls away, since I can’t eat them.”

Cashier: “I’ll put some rolls in there anyway.”

(The cashier disappears for 25 long minutes, though online had estimated my meal would be done by 8:15 and I’d arrived at 8:18.)

Me: “Excuse me. About my food?”

Cashier: “Oh! Yeah. That’ll be [amount]. Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Me: “I still need my food.”

Cashier: “Oh yeah.” *disappears for 10 more minutes in the back*

Me: *to another worker* “Hi. Sorry. I’ve been here for nearly an hour waiting for my food that was supposed to be ready at 8:15. Is there any way you can check to see if it’s back there and ready? It’s under [Name].”

Other Worker: “Sure thing! I’m sorry you’ve had to wait.” *disappears in back and comes back with food* “It’s been ready for a while, it looks like. I’m terribly sorry about that. I put a free slice of cheesecake in there for you.”

Me: *not wanting to be rude or explain the allergy thing* “That was very kind of you. I appreciate it.” *hands him a $5 as a tip* “I was going to give this to your coworker, but she seems to have gotten lost off in Wonderland.”

Other Worker: *laughs* “You have no idea how fitting that is.”

(I go to leave just as the cashier comes from the back, so I don’t say anything to her.)

Cashier: “Excuse me! You didn’t tip me!”

Customer: “I see that your chicken caesar salads come with either cajun or garlic chicken. I don’t like garlic and I don’t like spice, so can I just get plain chicken?”

Me: “Of course. I’ll let the kitchen know. So, absolutely no seasoning on it?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: *after the customer has received her food* “How is your salad tasting?”

Customer: “It’s fine, but the chicken is a little bland.”

(I am a gay male but haven’t come out to my family yet. I am house sitting for my grandma while she is in a nursing home recovering from surgery. She has set up a blind date between me and a female nurse. I don’t want to upset her and am not ready to come out, so I go. We are having a great time, but toward the end of the night I start getting really uncomfortable because I don’t want to lead her on.)

Me: “Hey, uh… I need to tell you something about me…”

Date: “Yeah… I need to tell you something, too.”

(She also seems really nervous about something, but I knew that if I didn’t go first I would never get it out.)

Me: “I’m gay. I only came on this date for Nana.”

(She starts laughing, and I am so embarrassed I get up to leave.)

Date: “No, wait. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because I am a lesbian. That’s what I needed to tell you.”

(We both had a laugh at the way Nana roped us into the date and have been close friends ever since!)

(I’m sitting at a restaurant eating and reading when I hear the customer behind me begin to talk loudly to her friends.)

Customer: “So if a car is traveling at 10 miles an hour how far will it have gone in an hour?”

(At this point I assume she sharing an anecdote or trying to make some kind of joke but it starts to sound like she’s serious.)

Customer: “Well…?”

Customer’s Friend: “Ummm.”

Customer: “If a car leaves driving 10 miles per hour, how far will it have gone in an hour? How do I figure that out? I need to figure this out…”

Customer’s Friend: “Are you hearing what you’re saying?”