Eww, Fresh Food

, , | | Right | February 18, 2009

Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

(In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that our lettuce only comes in one color, green.)

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Milton Goes To The Buffet

, , | | Right | February 17, 2009

(I’m a cashier at a buffet restaurant. A customer walks up and is kinda twitchy. We go through the transaction and I am about to staple the receipt to the ticket…)

Customer: “NO! DON’T STAPLE! DON’T STAPLE! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU STAPLE MY TICKET…!”

Me: “Uh, okay, sir, I won’t staple it for you…”

(All of a sudden, the customer calms down. He smiles, and walks away, only to later approach me again.)

Customer: “Ma’am, I think there is a problem in your bathrooms.”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “Well, in the men’s bathroom the left… left… faucet has very… very… poor water pressure.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I will come in again, and if you have not fixed this problem by then, I’m afraid I’m going to have to speak with a manager.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I will let a manager know.”

Customer: “Please do so… immediately.”

Me: “Immediately.”

Customer: *smiles a creepy smile and walks away*

 

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I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

, | | Right | February 16, 2009

(It is our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there are still customers seated in the dining room. Unfortunately, this means people are free to wander in, even though we can’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple comes in after we are closed.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

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Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

, | | Right | February 13, 2009

(Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “You heard me!”

Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

(Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

 

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Hulk Smash Bagels

, | | Right | February 13, 2009

(I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

(From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

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