(I have recently started working at a fast food restaurant and am still being trained to do various tasks. The coffee makers for both regular and decaf use pre-measured packets of coffee.)

Manager: “Customers have been complaining that the decaf is too strong. Who made it?”

Me: “I did. I put in two packets of coffee like [Coworker] taught me to.”

Coworker: “I never told you to do that! The coffee is pre-measured. You just pour one packet into the filter.”

Me:” No, I’m pretty sure you said two…. Oh, wait, I think I’m confusing coffee with toilet cleaner.”

(They still let me work there, and I eventually got pretty good at my job!)

(I work at a sandwich shop during my first few years of college. One day during a slow period my two coworkers see this lady come inside on the security cameras. My coworkers immediately say ‘not it!’ so I go up to take care of this woman’s order. The lady is already irritated and being short with me, over something like she’s late or she’s had a bad day. The order is going along fine until we get to the part where she tells me what veggies she wants.)

Customer: “And now I want the snicker cheese.”

Me: *confused* “The what?”

Customer: “The snicker cheese.”

Me: *still confused* “…like the candy bar?”

Customer: “Yes, the cheese that tastes like the Snicker’s candy bar.”

(It turns out she wants the parmesan oregano. I can tell you from experience parmesan oregano tastes nothing like a Snicker’s candy bar. After finishing the woman’s order, I go back and my coworkers ask me what was up with her. I tell them what she said and they both just kind of give me this weird look.)

Me: “You don’t believe me, do you?”

Coworker: “No, I believe you. Something that stupid can’t be made up.”

(I work at a Mexican fast food restaurant and some of our tacos come with a cardboard sleeve to help keep the ingredients from spilling. A customer orders one to try. A few moments later I see my register worker staring in amazement into the lobby. It turns out the customer is taking bites out of his taco AND the cardboard instead of removing it. We watch as he eats the whole sleeve with his taco. A few moments later…)

Customer: “I just wanted to say I loved my burrito but the taco seemed dry.”

Me: *trying to keep a professional face* “I’m sorry about that, sir. Let me make it up to you by making you another for free.”

(My coworkers and I made another taco and made sure no sleeve was on it. He smiled and sat down and ate the taco. We’re still not sure he realized what he did.)

(I work at a fast food restaurant that closes at 9:30 pm. A customer comes in just before then, as I am helping close up for the day.)

Customer: “Hi. I ordered an eight-piece fried chicken during my lunch break, and got baked instead.”

Me: “All right, sir. I’m terribly sorry. Do you want a refund or a correct order?”

Customer: “I’d like what I ordered, please. The eight-piece fried chicken meal.”

Me: “Sure, sir. We’re about to close, so at this point at night, we aren’t making the fried chicken anymore.”

Customer: “What? But you’re a fried chicken place!”

Me: “Yes, we are, but we’re also closing for the night.”

Customer: “Okay, so, can I get an order that’s the same amount of money?”

Me: “No problem. I just need the receipt and I can get you that, sir.”

Customer: “The receipt? Oh, I think I threw that away.”

(I look at him apologetically. I cannot correct an order or give a refund without the receipt.)

Me: “What? Sir, I cannot give you your meal without the receipt.”

Customer: “What? It’s just a piece of paper, I had the wrong order earlier and now I want what I paid for!”

Me: “Sir, we fill out hundreds of orders around lunch time and I would not be able to find your order among them.”

Customer: “I WANT MY FRIED CHICKEN!”

Me: “Sir, please lower your voice. We don’t have the fried chicken, and without your receipt I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “[Other Fast Food Chain] doesn’t need receipts to give me my food!”

Me: “Sir, I am fairly sure they do. Look, it’s closing time but I can try to look through our computer system to find your order.”

(He suddenly backs down a bit, from menacing to nervous.)

Customer: “No, no, that’s okay. I’ll just go get dinner somewhere else.”

(He leaves quickly. My manager walks over to see what it was about, and after I tell him, he shakes his head.)

Manager: “I’m willing to bet there was no receipt, and he was just after a free meal!”

(I am working the closing shift by doing dishes. All night when there is no customer at the drive through, my coworker on the grill yells what he thinks are funny impersonations of people with mental handicaps.)

Coworker: “[Manager]! It’s impossible to make [My Name] laugh!”

Manager: “What? No it isn’t.”

(I am so focused on doing the dishes that I don’t notice her coming up behind me.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], look.” *pulls out her phone, showing a funny animated GIF involving two cats*

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Manager: “See? I told you it is possible to make her laugh!”

Coworker: “But she doesn’t laugh at me!”

Me: “Because you’re not funny. And you do realize that my little brother has a disability, right?”

(My coworker left me alone for the rest of the night!)