(My best friend and are I are incredibly close, to the point where people think we are dating. My friend is male, while I am female. We go out on weekly dinner dates during school, and this happens on one of our ‘dates.’)

Me: “You know, [Mutual Friend] asked me yesterday if we were ‘a thing.'”

Him: “Yeah, my parents asked my sister the same thing.”

Me: “Are we not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender without getting asked if we are together?

(At this point I pretend to lay down on the table in exasperation and he grabs my hands to warm his own hands up. He continues to hold my hands across that table until he feels his hands are adequately warm.)

Me: “You know, this might be why people think we are dating…”

Him: “I was thinking the same thing!”

(I’m acting as greeter at a small, fairly-well off restaurant, when a thunderstorm rolls in, knocking out the power and taking our computer system with it. The power comes back in a half an hour or so, but our computer system is still down, meaning that we can’t bring up our reservation list. Due to this, we just do our best to seat those people who have been waiting, and let those coming in know about the issues we are having.)

Female Customer: “Hello, we have a reservation for two under [Name].”

Me: “All right. Unfortunately, the storm knocked out our power, so our computers are down and we don’t have our reservation list. However, we should have a table opening up for you in about five to ten minutes.”

Female Customer: “Five to ten minutes! We had a reservation. We slogged our way through this downpour, and now you’re telling me that…” *trails off, then steps back and looks at her husband* “Honey, I am very sorry, but I must go kill myself. I’ve become what I hate.”

Male Customer: *nods slowly* “Yes, I noticed, but I wasn’t sure how to break it to you.”

(They actually turned and left!)

(I am working a closing shift on a Sunday night. Normally this is a very slow shift at our restaurant, but for some reason we are experiencing a rush of customers. After talking to a few of them, my manager deduces that these customers are all coming from a specific location.)

Manager: “These people are all coming home from the New York Jets game.”

(I find this incredible, since the Jets’ stadium is a 2.5-hour drive from our location. However, I decide to get a bit creative in expressing my shock.)

Me: *apparently loud enough for customers to hear* “Are you kidding me?! There are people that LIKE the Jets?!”

Me: “Hi—”

Customer: *cuts in* “Hey, I see a couple outside eating this thing. I don’t know what’s the name of it.”

Me: “Um… could you please describe it to me?”

Customer: “I don’t know how to describe it, it’s a… it’s a big thing.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I want it!”

Me: “…”

(I’m waitressing when one of our baristas calls me over. She asks me to go to one of the tables and confirm that the elderly customer had ordered a long black and a cappuccino, as she had forgotten to write it down. The customer confirms this, and I take the order out to the customer and her husband who has now joined the table.)

Me: “Okay, long black?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “And your cappuccino, sir.”

Customer: “That was supposed to be a flat white!”

Me: “I’m so sorry; I thought I confirmed with you that it was a cappuccino.”

Customer: “Yes, but I forgot what my husband usually orders!”

(The husband spoke up and half-heartedly told me a cappuccino will do. I apologised again and then walked off wondering what part I had to be sorry for!)