(I’m at the park along with some other moms from the neighborhood and our kids. I’m sitting across from two moms who are friends. They’re talking about something that happened the night before, and one of them tries to include me in the conversation.)

Friend: “Do you watch ‘The Bachelor’?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Friend: “Good. I watch enough trash tv for all of us.”

(My father-in-law used to lead caving tours in a national park. This is one of the stories he told us. While leading a small group of VERY hung-over guys…)

Father-In-Law: “Okay, we’re going to have to crawl through this crack. It’s so narrow if you take a deep breath you’ll get stuck. You have to take your pack off and push it ahead of you while you crawl through. There’s also an incline half-way through, so you have to bend yourself up and over to keep going. I’ll wait for all of you to start in and go through last to make sure everyone gets through.”

(After the last person starts in, he runs through the totally open cave room to the other side of the rock formation they’re crawling through. As the first person begins to exit…)

Father-In-Law: “Man, you guys are moving slow today! What’s taking so long?”

(I, my mom, my mom’s boyfriend, and my mom’s boyfriend’s son go to a park that has a green field that is supposed to have an event that we’re interested in. When we get there, we hear that the lights are broken and they have to wait until next week. We aren’t upset so we have a picnic on the grass as the kid runs around the field with a soccer ball. After awhile I hear a scream and crying. I leap up and run to the sound with my mom and her boyfriend right behind me. When I get there I see a Chihuahua biting at the kid. I run at the dog and kick it hard enough to send it flying a few feet.)

Man: “What the h*** was that for?!”

(I turn to the man very pissed. It makes my mom back away from me.)

Me: “That rat was attacking him. There is a reason dogs are meant to be on leashes.”

(The man scoffs and rolls his eyes.)

Man: “My dog would never hurt a fly!”

(I gently drag the child closer to me and ask him to pull up his sleeves showing dog bites that are bleeding slightly.)

Me: “Does this look like ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’?”

(At this point the dog is biting at my ankles and growling at me. I look at the dog too pissed to care, and I roar at the dog, scaring it away. I look up as I see the man running away.)

Mom: “I knew you were scary but I didn’t know you were that scary.”

Mom’s Boyfriend: “Well, hot d***.”

Mom: “LANGUAGE!”

My husband, son, I, and our very large dog (100lb+) have decided to spend the morning at the beach. We’ve been to that beach several times before and none of the signage said dogs are forbidden; the only sign to mention dogs simply states that they must be leashed at all times.

After we have been there for about two hours, two teenagers in [National Park] t-shirts approach and rather rudely orders us off the beach, claiming that dogs aren’t allowed.

We are more than a bit put out by the unnecessary attitude and their claims, so we tell them that we will be waiting right where we are for their supervisor to come speak with us. After an almost 20 minute wait the supervisor comes over and, with no attitude at least, tries telling us the same bit about dogs not being allowed. After a bit of conversation we finally find out that there, supposedly, is in fact a “no dogs allowed on the beach” sign… buried under a rock slide at the end of a closed off, dead end walkway, the rockslide having happened two years before! I still don’t know how on earth we were expected to have known about that.

The icing on the cake was when at least three different people walked by us, their very small dogs with them, while we were talking with the supervisor, and she wouldn’t say a word to them despite us pointing it out.

If a rule is a rule then it should apply to everyone. It also shouldn’t be hidden like a game collectable either.

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(I’m the oblivious customer in this tale. There is a park in Old Town, San Diego that has many beautiful trees. I had walked into the information center to ask if they knew what kind of trees they were.)

Me: “Oh, I see you’re with someone. I can wait.”

(I proceed to stand at the desk while she helps the other customer.)

Employee: “Okay. What can I help you with?”

Me: “Yes, that really big tree out there. You wouldn’t happen to know what kind of tree that is, would you?”

Employee: “Well—” *pointing to the prominently displayed information card laid out literally underneath my elbow* “—according to the guide here, it’s a ficus.”

Me: *chuckle* “I couldn’t see the flyer for the trees.”