(My fiancé and I are lying in bed, having a playful argument.)

Me: “Your argument is somewhat circular.”

Fiancé: “You’re somewhat circular!”

(I stare at him in disbelief for a moment, then start laughing.)

Me: “I can’t believe you just said that! I’m putting it on NotAlwaysRomantic.”

Fiancé: “You can’t always be romantic! It would make the romantic times less special. It might seem like I was being unromantic, but really I was just making all the other moments more romantic!”

(I am on the phone with my boyfriend. I am pacing around my bedroom, upstairs, when suddenly, I happened to let rip what I thought was a cute, not-too-loud fart.)

Boyfriend: “What was that?”

Me: “Crap! You heard it?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, that was vile! Are you even a girl?”

(He and I break out into fits of laughter when, suddenly, my mother, who’s been watching TV—loudly—downstairs, yells up at me.)

Mom: “You’re disgusting! You woke me up!”

Daughter: “I read this story today, mum.”

Me: “Okay?”

Daughter: “There was a fat lady that got bitten by an Alsatian. But don’t worry—it wasn’t you, mum.”

(I have been reading a book. My dad has come into the room silently, and when I look up I see him. I am in my twenties.)

Me: “Oh! Where did you come from?”

Dad: “Well, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much…”

Me: “Why are you here?”

Dad: “Well, that’s a very deep philosophical question…”

(My family and all of my extended family are at our grandparents’ house to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. This is huge because Grandpa has been very ill, and we weren’t sure if he was going to make it. There are about 50 people there, and they have just finished cutting the cake my Aunty made.)

Grandma: “Thank you all so much for coming. We really appreciate it and we are so proud of all of you.”

Grandpa: “Why?”

Grandma: “What?”

Grandpa: “Why are we proud of them? What have they done?”

(Everyone laughs.)

Cousin: “Thanks for being honest, grandpa.”