(I am a legal studies student, so there are many flash cards with legal terms tucked throughout the house.)

Son: *hands me a card* “What’s this say?”

Me: “Joint liability.”

Son: “What’s that?”

Me: “When two people mess something up, they both have to fix it.”

(He walks away. A few minutes later he and his younger brother were playing with blocks. I put the baby down for a nap.)

Me: “Son, put away the blocks, please.”

Son: “All by myself? But [brother] helped make the mess! He has joint liability with me!”

(I’m about 3 years old. My mother is making dinner while my father is napping on the couch. My mom has me wake up my father when dinner is ready.)

Me: “Daddy, wake up. Dinner’s ready!”

Dad: *grumbling* “What’s for dinner?”

Me: “Knockwords and sourcrap!”

Dad: “What?”

Me: “Knockwords and sourcrap!”

(My dad is wide awake now, and both parents are laughing hysterically. For the record, my mother made knockwurst and sauerkraut.)

(My husband and I are watching the movie ‘Chronicle’, where teenagers get superpowers and one goes a bit evil.)

Me: “Baby, if I got superpowers do you think I would turn evil?”

Husband: “Oh yeah, definitely.”

Me: “What? Really?”

Husband: “Yeah, I give you a week. Two weeks if I am with you all the time.”

Me: “You only give me a week before going evil?”

Husband: “Well, yeah. I mean you would start out okay, but then someone would cut you off in traffic and that would be it.”

Me: “And then evil?”

Husband: “Yeah. But I will still love you even when you’re evil!”

(While playing with our daughter, my husband sees that her nose is a little runny.)

Husband: “Honey, come here. We need to wipe your nose.”

Daughter: “That’s okay, daddy. I have a Kleenex tongue.”

(Which she then proceeded to use.)

(My 50+ year old parents frequently try to make jokes about popular books, music, and TV shows. My mother is currently teasing me about my dislike of bright sunlight.)

Mom: “Are you a vampire? Should I start calling you Herman?”

Me: “Edward…?”

Mom: “Close enough.”

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