(My husband and I are discussing selling our house and getting a much smaller place. I am blind in one eye, thanks to a rare illness, and quite literally I could wake up any morning to discover that I have gone blind in the other eye too.)

Me: “I just think a smaller place will be safer for me with my health concerns, too. I’m already Nick Fury. What happens if I wake up one morning and discover that I’m Daredevil?”

Husband: “Hey! Daredevil turned his handicap into a superpower, so you can too! Maybe you’ll get super awesome hearing if you lose your good eye!”

Me: “…we really are made for each other.”

Husband: “Yes. Yes we are.”

(My little brothers and I are being silly. They are eight and eleven. I’m thirteen.)

Eleven year old: *in a joking voice* “Where do babies come from?”

Eight year old: *completely serious* “Well, when a man and woman make out for a whole hour, the woman gets pregnant, and has to go to the hospital and they have a baby!”

Eleven year old: “What? That’s not how it works. You see—”

Me: “Let’s just leave it at that.”

(Sometimes, when we’re tired, my boyfriend and I slip into baby talk, and it gets weird.)

Me: *trying to scare him* “BOO!”

Boyfriend: “Ah…”

Me: *pouty* “Were you a scared?”

Boyfriend: *in real voice* “A scared? You mean like one scared?”

Me: *still in baby voice* “Yes. I need you to be at least two scareds! How can I scare you?”

Boyfriend: “You’d have to do better than that.”

(I put three fingers up like claws, and grab his face.)

Me: “Rawr! Velociraptor!”

Boyfriend: “Ahh!”

Me: “Were you two scareds?”

Boyfriend: “You attacked me pretending to be a velociraptor, talking in a baby voice. That’s got to be the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

(My grandma lives by herself, and I try to go by to see her as often as possible. I knew that she had gone to see the doctor the day before, but I was not aware that it was anything more than just a check-up.)

Me: “How did your doctor’s appointment go?”

Grandma: “It weren’t no d*** doctor appointment! It was a colonoscopy!”

Me: “Oh… um…”

(Grandma starts coughing.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Grandma: “Yeah, they just shoved that thing all the way up to my tonsils!”

This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!

Read the next Gorgeous Grandma story!

Read the Gorgeous Grandma roundup!

(My husband and I enjoy playing an alternate version of Dungeons and Dragons. In this game, a 20-sided die called a d20 is used to determine the outcome of events. Also, characters usually have stats between 7-20 at first level, with 10 being average. We have just been talking about building new characters.)

Me: “Well my sexiness score is like, 30.”

Boyfriend: “That would be charisma, and no, it isn’t.”

Me: “Hey, you know what we should do? We should roll for random encounter sexy times!”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “We could roll a d20 and add my sexiness modifier.”

Boyfriend: “That’s not how random encounters work. We’d need to roll percentage dice.”

Me: “And then we’d need a table of actions! Hey, do you still have that dice-roller app?”

Boyfriend: “Yes…we’re not doing this.”

Me: “Yes we are! I cast ‘charm person’. Now you like me and you have to do it.