(My mother has recently gotten a health book with descriptions of the symptoms of various common disorders. I’m only 4, but very precocious, and have of course gotten into the book.)

Me: “Mommy, I can’t sleep because I’m too scared!”

Mom: “What are you scared of, honey?”

Me: “Impending doom!”

Mom: “What?!”

(She later discovers that the book has ‘a sense of impending doom’ under the symptoms for ‘panic attack’. I must have read it and been frightened by the unfamiliar term.)

(My mom is the kind of person who insists that she knows about everything she concerns herself with. She isn’t very computer savvy.)

Mom: “Why are you typing so much?

Me: “I have this work to finish up!”

Mom: “Don’t type so much! You’ll waste the computer ink.”

(I’m a 5’4 Filipino, watching ‘The Lion King’ with my 6’1 British boyfriend. He is extremely manly. All of a sudden, he bursts into tears.)

Me: “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: *still crying* “This is were Mufasa dies, and Simba goes all cute.”

(Pause.)

Boyfriend: “I think I’m on my meriod.”

(It’s my birthday in a few weeks, but my boyfriend has bought presents for me months ago.)

Boyfriend: “I got you awesome presents! I got you awesome presents!”

Me: “Stop saying that! Stop tempting me!”

Boyfriend: “Would you like one now?”

Me: “No. I can wait until my birthday.”

Boyfriend: “Are you sure? They’re really cool. You can have one now.”

Me: “I can wait.”

Boyfriend: “Go wait outside so you don’t see the hiding place when I grab one of them.”

Me: “No! I’ll wait until my birthday!”

Boyfriend: “This is unfair! They’re so cool! I never considered how hard the wait was going to be for me!”

(My husband is trying to play video games with my two year old. My two year old keeps saying, “I want that one”, but is not being clear.)
 
Husband: “You need be more clear when telling dada what you want, or you’re going to drive dada bonkers!”
 
Son: “I drive you bonkers! I’m trying to drive you bonkers!”