(It’s my birthday, and my girlfriend has cooked me an amazing dinner at home. Note: she has lost 90% of her left leg due to bone cancer when she was 17. The other thing to note is that my car’s radio/cassette player has been stolen, so I use an old boom box. Because the boom box had started melting in the car due to the Phoenix heat, I’ve gotten into the habit of bringing it inside with me when I leave my car. Thus, my girlfriend isn’t surprised when I bring the boom box in.)

My Girlfriend: “So? How was it?”

Me: “‘How was it?’ Are you kidding? You’re a fantastic cook!”

My Girlfriend: *smiling* “Okay…gift time!”

Me: “You mean you planned more than steak and potatoes for your ‘steak and potatoes’ man?”

My Girlfriend: “Yup.”

(She hands me an envelope, which I promptly open up.)

Me: “Sting tickets? You got me Sting tickets?! Oh my God, I love you!”

My Girlfriend: “I thought you’d like it!”

Me: “I love it! And you! And now… your present.”

My Girlfriend: “My present? It’s your birthday.”

Me: “Trust me on this one.”

(I pick her up and set her down on her one leg in the middle of her living room. She didn’t usually wear her prosthetic at home because it is uncomfortable.)

My Girlfriend: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Shhh. I said to trust me.”

(I move to the boom box and hit play for the CD. Our song, Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me,” starts playing. I then start to slow dance with my girlfriend.)

My Girlfriend: *tearing up* “I haven’t danced since I lost my leg.”

Me: *softly* “I know…”

(We slow-danced until the song was over, with her shedding tears of joy the whole way through the song. And while our relationship didn’t last, it was a truly amazing date for that dance alone.)

(My wife’s cousin, having grown up in Israel, is almost wholly unfamiliar with Christianity. We are playing a card game that in part involves artefacts taken from throughout history. She receives a card with the text ‘Crown of Thorns, originally worn by You Know Who’.)

Cousin: “Is this talking about Voldemort?”

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(I’m about 5 years old, and have been having terrible nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming.)
 
Mom: *runs in* “What’s wrong, cookie?”
 
Me: “The ghosts are gonna get me.”
 
(My mom runs out of the room, and comes back with a squirt bottle with ‘Monster Juice’ written on the side. She hands it to me.)
 
Mom: “Here. Just shoot the ghosts and monsters, and remember the most important thing.”
 
Me: *sniffling* “What?”
 
Mom: *states very matter-of-fact-ly* “If it don’t pay rent, it don’t live here!”
 
(Since then, I’ve never been afraid of ghosts or monsters.)

(We’re at home, cuddling in bed.)

Me: “You are so cute!”

Boyfriend: “I’m not that cute.”

Me: “But you are! You’re adorable!”

Boyfriend: “Alright.”

Me: “Are you trying to be cute? Is this intentional?”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “You’re so cute that I can’t even stand it!”

Boyfriend: “No.”

Me: “That’s it! Stop being so cute!”

Boyfriend: *pauses* “Get me a beer, w****.”

(My boyfriend and I are resting. I creep up to the bed, and plant a very light kiss on the tip of his nose.)

Boyfriend: “That was a bunny rabbit kiss!”

Me: “What? How would you know what a bunny rabbit kiss is like? Are you cheating on me with a bunny rabbit? I’ll cut her!”

Boyfriend: “No, but isn’t that what you’d imagine a bunny rabbit kiss would be like? They would hop…hop…hop up close.” *he moves his face closer to mine with each ‘hop’* “Then they’d sniff.” *wriggles his nose against mine* “And then they’d…” *plants a light kiss on my nose*

Me: “I guess that is how they’d do it!” *I plant a ‘bunny rabbit’ kiss on his nose again, then pretend to eat his nose* “Om nom nom. I’m a bunny zombie!”