(My boyfriend is a total guy and gear-head with scars and muscles to back it up. We are taking a shower. His hair is just long enough to play with. I am giggling as I run shampoo through his hair and create hair-dos.)

Boyfriend: “[My Name].”

Me: *forming his hair into a nerdy style* “Yeah?”

Boyfriend: “You know I’m only letting you do this because you’re naked, right?”

(My seven-year old dog is going blind, and has a habit of getting under our feet and tripping us up. I’m cooking when I hear my dad, behind me, trip over her.)

Dad: “[Dog’s Name]! I didn’t see you there! I guess you didn’t see me, either…”

(My girlfriend has just gotten home from practice and hasn’t showered yet. I try to cuddle her but she pushes me away.)

Girlfriend: “Stop. I’m gross right now.”

Me: “So? I don’t mind.”

Girlfriend: “No, [My Name]…”

(I finally get up and start working on something else. Ten minutes later…)

Girlfriend: “Hey. Why am I not being cuddled?”

Me: “You told me no, babe.”

Girlfriend: “Oh… Well, never listen to me about that. Come cuddle!”

(I’ve been seeing a friend. We go to university on different campuses six hours away from each other. He’s coming home for Christmas. We make plans to play ‘Magic: the Gathering,’ a game we both love. We are talking online and he mentions he has built a fancy new deck to play against mine, meaning I will be losing.)

Me: “If you let me win a few games, I’ll have sex with you.”

Friend: “Can I just concede straight away or do you want me to play it out?”

Me: “Think about how you want me in the bedroom. Do you want me to concede or play it out?”

Friend: “I look forward to an interesting night.”

(My boyfriend and I are both trying to lose some weight. We are currently cuddling on top of the bed.)

Me: *nudging him* “What are you thinking about?”

Boyfriend: “Sex.”

Me: “…okay, then.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, I’m sorry. You were expecting something profound?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I was. You make something profound up right now!”

Boyfriend: “Okay, I was thinking about my inner soul.”

Me: “You have an outer soul, too?”

Boyfriend: “Yes. You see in heaven, when I was lined up by the soul-machine before being sent to earth, the guy in front of me bent down to tie his shoe lace. So, I got my nice hot looking soul inside, and then his fat-a** soul wrapped around me. And it’s telling me to eat cake!”