(My older sister texts to ask if Mom has mentioned what she want for Christmas.)

Me: “She does want peace on earth but that’s out of my price range.”

Sister: “Hmm. She’s lucky if we can get peace at home.”

(My boyfriend is a total guy and gear-head with scars and muscles to back it up. We are taking a shower. His hair is just long enough to play with. I am giggling as I run shampoo through his hair and create hair-dos.)

Boyfriend: “[My Name].”

Me: *forming his hair into a nerdy style* “Yeah?”

Boyfriend: “You know I’m only letting you do this because you’re naked, right?”

(I’m getting ready for work and my fiancé is still in bed.)

Me: “I would really rather stay here and cuddle with you than go to work.”

Fiancé: “You should stay. Come to the dark side; we have cuddles!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that ‘cuddles’ is basically the opposite of the dark side.”

(My boyfriend has an adorable niece. Her father is a hardcore gamer. We go over to visit.)

Niece: *shrieks and screams* “Zomie ki ki! Zomie ki ki!”

(My niece points at the very old, very thin cat who is hiding under the couch.)

Mother: “Yeah. Some of her first words. ‘Zombie kitty.’ Whenever she sees that cat she screams and hides from the zombie kitty.”

Me: *to my boyfriend* “You have the coolest niece ever!”

(My girlfriend is kind of a ‘90s riot-girl. I´ve had a hard time giving her a ‘pet name,’ as everything just seems wrong. Calling her ‘baby’ or ‘honey’ makes me feel really uncomfortable, and she doesn’t like it much either. However, lately I’ve started making fun of the whole thing using a modified quote from her favourite movie, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. She thinks it’s awesome, so I keep using it. We are at a house party with a bunch of my friends. They all really like my girlfriend, and keep telling me to hold on to her.)

Girlfriend: “So, I’m getting another drink. Want one?”

Me: “No, thanks. I’m good.”

(My girlfriend gets up and walks towards the kitchen. I lift up my bottle of beer, only to realize that it is actually close to empty.)

Me: *shouting* “Hey! Sweetie, honey, baby, child, WHATEVER! Get me another beer!”

(At this point, ALL the people in the room have turned to me and are giving me the evil eye.)

Me: “NO! Wait! She… It’s an inside joke! She finds it funny!”

(Everyone is still glaring.)

Me: *to girlfriend* “Please…”

Girlfriend: *bursts out laughing* “MAN! I wish I could keep a straight face right now! Your friends would MURDER you!”