(My cashier is helping a customer and frantically waves me over to the register.)

Cashier: “Am I allowed to accept these as payment?”

(He holds up a US gold dollar coin.)

Me: “Is it legal tender?”

Cashier: “Yes?”

Me: “Correct. Have you ever seen one of them in the till drawer before?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Me: “So how do you think they got in there before?”

Cashier: “Um… I’m not sure.”

(I give up at this point.)

Me: “Yes, we take them.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay!”

(A man comes up to my till to purchase a few items. He has his two children with him, a boy and a girl, both of which I suspect are no older than five years old. The man and his children are very nice, friendly, and overall good customers. As I ring his purchases, the children are excited and happy, with the boy even giving me his own saved up money for a snack, with his father’s permission.)

Me: “Okay, sir, your total is [Total].”

(Just as he’s about to swipe his credit card, the little girl looks up at me and smiles sweetly.)

Girl: “Do you all sleep here?”

(Her father and I couldn’t help but laugh at this point.)

Me: *laughing, but politely* “No, no, we don’t sleep here. We just take turns coming here. In fact, someone else is coming when we all leave tonight.”

Girl: “Okay!” *she happily skips away with her father once the transaction is completed*

(We’ve had a man call several times trying to engage in sexual conversation.)

Man: “Do you carry massagers? Like personal massagers? The kind for female pleasure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “Could you suggest one?”

Me: “I can not.”

Man: “Oh! Are you a virgin?”

Me: “No, I’m asexual.”

Man: “A… sexual?”

Me: “Yes, it means I get no pleasure from sexual stimulation, or even from talking to perverted men on the phone.”

Man: “Oh…” *click*

(He hasn’t called back.)

(A woman and her friend come up to my register to pay for her rather large order. She hands me her credit card and continues talking to her friend.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, your card was declined.”

(She glares at me before returning to her friend.)

Me: “Let me try it again. Still coming back declined.”

Customer: “How can that be? Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

Me: “It’s hard to do it wrong. I’ll key it in manually. Maybe my reader is broken.”

(I manually key in the card; it gets declined again.)

Me: “I’m sorry miss, your card was declined again. Do you ha—”

Customer: *to friend* “You know? I spend more money in this place than this guy makes in a week.”

Me: “That may be the reason your credit card is maxed out.”

(I work on the front end of a well-known pharmacy as a cashier. We have four registers at the front, and only one is active right now, #3. There are signs on the other registers directing the customer to #3, with a bell included on #3 that says ‘please ring for service.’ I’m stocking an aisle, when a woman walks up to register #1.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be right there to help you. Could you please go to register #3?”

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I walk up behind the counter, logging onto register #3, while the woman has her items set out on register #4.)

Me: “Ma’am, could I help you at this register, please?”

Customer: “Oh, right. I guess it would help if I could read.”

Me: “Well, that’s not really my judgment to make.”

(The woman goes silent for the rest of the transaction. I ring her up, hand her her receipt, and ask if there’s anything else I can help her with.)

Customer: “No, but I certainly hope you’re nicer to your next customer!”