(I’m sitting in my residence hall’s RA office, by the front door. A bunch of guys walk by.)

Guy #1: *out of my line of sight* “This is much better.”

(Two guys walk by, one giving a piggyback ride to the other.)

(It’s almost the end of my freshman year and I’m cleaning my room for inspection. My roommate had moved out last semester to live with a sorority sister and had taken all her stuff. Or so I thought. I’m sweeping and hit something under the second desk, it was a laptop lock still bolted to the desk. When I open the closet to sweep in there I find a brick and a camo hat.)

Me: “Why the h*** did she have a brick?”

(Finally as I’m mopping up I accidentally hit the spare dresser and hear a rattle inside. I open up the doors and find AN IPOD NANO!)

Me: “OKAY, THE BRICK I DON’T REALLY GET, THE HAT AND LOCK MAYBE, BUT WHAT THE H***?”

(I am at a convention located on a university. The accommodation for it are dorms, so the walls are really thin. I’ve gone to bed “early,” pre-one am, and have been woken up by people having a conversation in the hall outside my door. I can only hear one half the conversation, as the friend is further down the hall and they’re just yelling to each other)

Guy: “What was that?”

(Incoherent muttering.)

Guy: “You want me to remind you to remember to remind [Other Name] to do that? You have asked me to do this whilst drunk. By all means, when I’m sober, if I remember to remind you to remember to remind him, I will do so, but the likelihood of me remembering is low!”

(Most eloquent drunk I’ve ever heard!)

(For some reason at my college, people would either set off the fire alarm by either overcooking popcorn in the microwave or by using a hair iron. It became such a running gag that the dorm residents made it a running bet what set it off. One such November morning the fire alarm goes off, scaring everyone out of bed. By the time I grabbed my hoodie and ran down the steps it had started to drizzle, putting everyone in a foul mood.)

Girl #1: “I bet it was a microwave again.”

Boy #1: *still half asleep wearing only some sweatpants* “I bet it was a hair iron.”

Me: “Microwave; who does their hair at three in the morning on a Tuesday?”

Boy #1: “Who makes popcorn at three in the morning on a Tuesday?”

Boy #2: “Me, sometimes. Microwave.”

(The RA walks out of the dorm with the campus police, looking annoyed, and holds up a hair iron.)

RA: “WHO WAS STRAIGHTENING THEIR HAIR AT THREE IN THE MORNING?!”

This story is part of the Microwave Oven roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Spicy Stories About People Who Couldn’t Take The Heat!

Read the next Microwave Oven roundup story!

Read the Microwave Oven roundup!

Roommate: “I went and ordered cable TV. You owe me for half.”

Me: “I didn’t want cable TV.”

Roommate: “Well, you need to pay for half of it.”

Me: “But I didn’t want it.”

Roommate: “You’d better not watch my TV then!”

(So I made a point to not watch … something I didn’t want in the first place, and something she didn’t tell me about until AFTER ordering it!)