(I am emailing my husband. He is very into sci-fi, and we have lots of theoretical debates about time travel.)

Husband: “Hello, future wife. It’s sad but unavoidable that present me cannot tell present you that I love her. So, we’ll have to settle for this quantum ping pong that currently exists. I love you, too, in any case. And past you. And future you, after you. I look forward to minimizing our proximities, so I can be closer to my current you. More love. Past husband.”

(I have a couple of rare medical conditions, including acute muscle atrophy and a connective tissue disorder. They are not life-threatening, but can be frustrating at best.)

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

Me: “You just made my heart stop for a second. I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, with your medical issues, do you only mean that figuratively?”

Me: “Figuratively. ‘Skip a beat’ would probably have been more appropriate.”

(Even though we chat online, I send my long-distance girlfriend handwritten letters about once or twice a week. This is my first relationship, and I’m not used to writing love letters.)

Me: “This might be the most ridiculous letter I’m composing to you.”

Girlfriend: “Ridiculous?”

Me: “Well, page 2 begins with, ‘Other Things That Count As Tacos‘.”

Girlfriend: “This is going to be awesome to read!”

(I’m away at college, texting my boyfriend. It’s a few weeks before I come home to visit.)

Boyfriend: “We need to see a movie when you come home. You can pick this time.”

Me: “Alright. I can tell you right now it won’t be the new Twilight movie.”

Boyfriend: *relieved* “Thank God, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, and that bird thing from Egypt!”

(I knew I fell in love with this man for a reason.)

(I am talking online to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Do you still love me?”

Boyfriend: “It’s not like I have a choice.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “You have half my heart.”

Me: “Aww!”

Boyfriend: “And the keys to my apartment.”