(I have recently switched to a mail order pharmacy, and because of the change I am going to be without my birth control pill for about a week. I discuss this with my boyfriend. This is his first real relationship, and he isn’t sure yet if he loves me.)

Me: “So, that means that for about two weeks we are going to have to use another method of birth control just in case. What would you like to do? Condoms? ”

Boyfriend: “I don’t really like condoms. Why don’t we just keep going and hope for the best?”

Me: “Babe, this isn’t really a negotiation. The women in my family are extremely fertile, so unless you wrap it up, you aren’t getting any.”

Boyfriend: “Or, you could just get pregnant.”

Me: “Ha ha, no offense babe, but I don’t really want to get knocked up by a guy who isn’t sure how he feels about our relationship.”

Boyfriend: “But then I wouldn’t have a choice! We would be stuck with each other! Isn’t that a good solution?”

Me: “…I really hope you’re kidding.”

Boyfriend: “I guess you’ll find out in nine months.”

(My wife and I are driving. She is extremely smart, but has REALLY dumb moments.)

Wife: “Wow, it’s raining really hard!”

(We keep driving. A little while later, we go into a tunnel.)

Wife: “Oh, hey! It stopped!”

(We get to the other side of the tunnel.)

Wife: “Oh… never mind.”

(My seven-year-old is known for asking a LOT of questions. I have just endured a particularly long set of questions.)

Son: “Why are those people doing that?”

Me: *sigh* “To make you ask questions.”

Son: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. Everything makes me ask questions!”

(I’ve just gotten done at the dentist, and my boyfriend has been giving me a hard time since half of my face is numb. We’ve stopped at a red light and he looks at me.)

Boyfriend: *panicked* “OH MY GOD, YOUR LIP IS BLEEDING.”

Me: “You’re wearing mirrored glasses. I can see my reflection.”

Boyfriend: “Never mind.”

(My family is on a road-trip. My 15-year-old sister notices us driving past a wind-farm.)

Sister: “Is that solar powered?”