(I am seeing a new guy, and since he doesn’t have a car I’ve been driving for us whenever we go somewhere. We’re currently sitting at a red light, and he tilts my face towards him and starts to give me a kiss.)

Me: *teasingly* “Hey… I’m driving!”

Guy: *with a giant grin* “It’s okay. We’re stopped now!”

Me: “Okay, fine. Just this time.”

(Over the next few red lights the guy continues to kiss me every time, and every time I complain about it jokingly. We come to a red light where he forgets because we’re talking so I go silent and start looking at him expectantly.)

Guy: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Me: “You’re slacking off!”

(I am going out to lunch with a friend of mine. She is a few years younger than I am and we are discussing which restaurant we want to dine. She is from Mongolia.)

Friend: “Do you like spicy food?”

Me: “Ha! I’ve been eating spicy food since you were still in diapers!”

Friend: “They don’t use diapers in Mongolia, so I’ve never worn a diaper!”

Me: “Okay, I’ve been eating spicy food since you were still crapping on the floor.”

(My parents are considering moving. We are driving to a relative’s house for Thanksgiving, who just so happens to have his house up for sale.)

Dad: “These houses are really close together. I don’t like it.”

Sister: “It would be great for the zombie apocalypse. Just put boards across the roofs and you’re safe.”

Me: “What if the zombies are sentient?”

Sister: “It would take them a while to build something. You could get away.”

Me: “What if they were zombie cheerleaders and they made a human… zombie pyramid?”

Sister: “…”

Mom: “Give me an aaaaaaauuugggghhhh.”

(My sister and I are in the car, bored and playing ‘rock, not paper, probably not scissors.’ Basically, we take random objects and decide who wins from there. We get distracted by a cloud…)

Me: “Hmm… doesn’t that cloud look like a very typical cloud?”

Sister: “It does.” *to the cloud* “You should be ashamed of yourself for being so typical. You should be out of the ordinary!”

(My dad begins to laugh. My sister continues on a slight rant about the one cloud, and I begin to laugh.)

Dad: “Well, it kinda looks like a sphinx with a dog head wearing a powdered wig.”

Sister: “Oh, yeah, I see it now.”

Me: “I think it looks like our dog when he’s lying down. See the area of fluff behind the head?”

Sister: “Huh.”

(We continue our game until we spot a cloud that looks like an ‘S.’)

Sister: “That cloud looks like an ‘S!'”

Me: “So it does.”

Dad: “Huh.”

Mom: “It could be a ‘5.’”

Me: “Or an upside down ‘S.'”

Dad: “Or a stylized snake…”

(While driving, my little sister, my mom, and I see a police car.)

Five-Year-Old Sister: “Mommy, would the policeman put me in jail if I didn’t wear my seatbelt?

Mom: “No, because it would be my fault. Adults are responsible for things like that.”

Five-Year-Old Sister: “So, the policeman would put YOU in jail?”

Me: *with a completely serious face* “Yes, sister. The policeman would put mom in jail for 30 YEARS. You wouldn’t want that to happen, would you”

(My sister looked completely shocked while my mom tried her very best not to laugh.)