(My mother, grandparents, uncle, cousin, and I are travelling from San Francisco to Los Angeles via car. We arrive at Hollywood and are driving down the Hollywood Boulevard.)

Mom: “I can’t believe that Hollywood Boulevard looks this plain. It can’t be true!”

Me: “Search your feelings; you know it to be true.”

Mom: *fake panic* “Nooooooo!”

Me: *squeaks happily* “You followed up! I didn’t actually think you would follow up!”

Mom: “What? Follow up on what?”

Me: “…I made a Star Wars reference.”

Mom: “Oh. I didn’t know that. It seems I followed you up by accident.”

Me: “…”

(The disappointment I felt cannot be put into words.)

(My family is taking a 12-hour road trip. My dad is driving, and is playing a song with ‘Ay yi yi yi’ over and over in the chorus. I have headphones on so it blocks out the repeated song, but my six year old brother doesn’t.)

Brother: “Dad, can we PLEASE play another song?”

Dad: “No.”

Brother: “Mom!”

Mom: “Listen to your father, kids. If he says no, then he means no!”

(Finally we arrive. We go to get dinner at some restaurant and my brother has this haunted look on his face like he’s been through Hell.)

Brother: *mumbling* “Ay yi yi yi… Ay yi yi yi…”

Me: “Mom, there’s something wrong with him! He’s gone dumb!”

Mom: “Are you okay?”

Brother: “Fine, I have that song in my head!” *mumbling* “Ay yi yi yi…”

(He must’ve had it in there good because it took nearly a week for him to act normally again!)

(I am seeing a new guy, and since he doesn’t have a car I’ve been driving for us whenever we go somewhere. We’re currently sitting at a red light, and he tilts my face towards him and starts to give me a kiss.)

Me: *teasingly* “Hey… I’m driving!”

Guy: *with a giant grin* “It’s okay. We’re stopped now!”

Me: “Okay, fine. Just this time.”

(Over the next few red lights the guy continues to kiss me every time, and every time I complain about it jokingly. We come to a red light where he forgets because we’re talking so I go silent and start looking at him expectantly.)

Guy: “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Me: “You’re slacking off!”

(I am going out to lunch with a friend of mine. She is a few years younger than I am and we are discussing which restaurant we want to dine. She is from Mongolia.)

Friend: “Do you like spicy food?”

Me: “Ha! I’ve been eating spicy food since you were still in diapers!”

Friend: “They don’t use diapers in Mongolia, so I’ve never worn a diaper!”

Me: “Okay, I’ve been eating spicy food since you were still crapping on the floor.”

(My parents are considering moving. We are driving to a relative’s house for Thanksgiving, who just so happens to have his house up for sale.)

Dad: “These houses are really close together. I don’t like it.”

Sister: “It would be great for the zombie apocalypse. Just put boards across the roofs and you’re safe.”

Me: “What if the zombies are sentient?”

Sister: “It would take them a while to build something. You could get away.”

Me: “What if they were zombie cheerleaders and they made a human… zombie pyramid?”

Sister: “…”

Mom: “Give me an aaaaaaauuugggghhhh.”