(My friend and I are in the car together when she starts talking about the past.)

Friend: “Hey, do you remember when we were kids and you use to leave those really long messages on our answering machine?”

Me: “What? No.”

Friend: “You did! You use to leave twenty-minute long messages on our answering machine for us to find!”

Me: “Oh, my god, I don’t remember that! Was I actually calling for a reason or just because?”

Friend: “I can’t remember. I just remember mum and dad finding them!”

Me: “I honestly don’t remember but that really does sound like something I would have done!”

Friend: “And do you remember when you met my best friend from primary school? We were playing M.A.T.C.H. and she asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up and you said a Digimon!”

Me: “Oh, my god!”

Friend: “Yeah! She was like ‘what’s Digimon’ and I told her it was a show, so she said ‘Oh, so you want to be an animator?’ And you said ‘No, I want to be a Digimon’!”

Me: “I don’t remember that! Oh, my god, that is such a tiny [My Name] answer! Why, tiny me?!”

Friend: “I think you’re the reason why I don’t like my social groups mixing.”

Me: “Awwww. I swear, all my friends have at least one story about how I’ve traumatized them in some way.”

Friend: “Only one?”

Me: “At least one.”

Friend: “That’s better.”

(We’re driving home after work and grocery shopping, and my boyfriend asks:)

Boyfriend: “So what do you wanna do tonight?”

Me: *starts singing* “Don’t you wanna wanna Fanta? Don’t you wanna wanna…”

Boyfriend: “….”

Me: “Apparently I wanna annoy you tonight!”

(I’m in the car with my brother and his wife, discussing movies. I have just finished telling about one I had found interesting.)

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, I saw a movie the other day about a deaf family…!”

(She proceeds to tell us the story and we discuss it. My brother is interested but my sister-in-law can’t remember the name of it.)

Brother: “Was the movie from the States?”

Sister-In-Law: “I’m not sure…”

Brother: “Were they speaking English?”

Sister-In-Law: “No, that’s the point. They weren’t speaking. You know, they were using sign language!”

(I am driving, with my brother in the passenger seat. I miss my turn.)

Me: “Whoops. That was stupid.”

Brother: “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Me: “Wise. Never annoy a man with a full can of soda.” *I waggle my open soda can menacingly over his head*

(I turn around, come back, and miss my turn AGAIN.*)

Me: “Doggone it!”

Brother: *laughs*

Me: “Shut up! I still have soda!”

(My family and I are on a car trip home from our vacation in Mexico. About 10 minutes after passing the border from Mexico to US, I start yelling.)

Me: “THE GREAT GOD AZULU HAS BLESSED US WITH THIS MODE OF TRANSPORTATION AND THE SECURITY OF ITS SHIELDS FROM THE ENEMY WE CALL WALKING!”

Dad: *to my grandma* “See, ma, kids was one choice I regret making.”

Grandma: “I agree…”

(We all burst out laughing.)