(We’re driving home from getting food and discussing that we recently started saying “I love you.”)

Boyfriend: “We still haven’t said it over text message, though…”

Me: “Dibs.”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “Can I call dibs on that? Yeah, I’m calling dibs on that.”

(I’m in high school, and am driving with my friends when a song with a lot of mysterious symbolism comes on the radio. My friends are discussing the meaning of the song, but I’m paying more attention to driving than to the discussion.)

Friend: “So, [My Name], what’s your analysis?”

Me: “It’s this thing where you pee in a cup and they do tests. Why?”

(I am running late for church but have to stop by the bank to get money for the offering basket. My ten- and eight-year-old boys wait in the car and watch me through the glass windows. As soon as I am done, I run back to the car, slam the door, slam my foot on the gas pedal and take off. The boys ride in silence until five minutes later…)

Ten-Year-Old Son: “Mom, did you just rob the bank?”

Me: “No! What made you think that?”

Ten-Year-Old Son: “Because it feels like we’re riding in a get-away car right now.”

(There is laughter from the backseat.)

Me: “Seriously?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Yeah! You’re very good at it, though.”

Me: “Hey, be nice!”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “That was a compliment!”

(Silence for a minute.)

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Finally you can afford to buy us an Xbox One!”

(My high school friends and I used to have a joke that whenever we were in New Jersey, we’d get lost and end up at a particular restaurant chain. One day we make a conscious decision to go there, but cannot find it, despite many signs. We eventually give up and start heading home.)

Friend #1: “Wait, weren’t we supposed to be on [Highway]? We just passed a sign saying it’s in the other direction.”

Friend #2: “We’re lost?! Really?! Where are we?”

Me: *pointing* “We’re at [Restaurant]!”

(I’m driving down the highway with two of my friends.)

Friend #1: “Hey, [Friend #2], were you born on the highway? Cause that’s where most accidents happen.”

Friend #2: “Was your mom texting when she conceived you? Cause that’s how most accidents happen.”

Me: “Were you guys born between five to six pm? Because that’s when most accidents happen.”

(We’re all 23.)