Economic Recession For Dummies, Part 2

, , | Right | August 24, 2009

(A customer is cashing in a check worth $650.00.)

Me: “How would you like that back, sir?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The cash… Would you like it in large or small bills?”

Customer: “I didn’t know you had different sizes of cash. Can I see which one fits in my wallet better?”

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An Inconvenient Convenience

| Right | July 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just got my statement in the mail and it says at the bottom to call this number for questions?”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

(A long pause follows.)

Customer: “Okay, so… what are the questions?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s in case you had any questions about your statement that you wanted to ask us.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, good. Because I really don’t have the time to be answering your questions.”

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A Penny Lost Is A Penny Earned

, , | Right | June 26, 2009

Me: “Would you like to sign up for our free checking account?”

Customer: “No, I usually keep my money in my sofa for safekeeping.”

Me: “You shouldn’t do that.”

Customer: “But it gains interest.”

Me: “How does that work?”

Customer: “When people come over, they keep losing their change in my couch.”


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Fifi Feels The Sting Of Government Bailouts

, , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I just went to the drive-thru at the bank’s [Town] location, and they were very rude!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Please explain what happened.”

Customer: “I go there every day, and they always give my dog a doggy biscuit. Today they didn’t give him a biscuit!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What else happened?”

Customer: “Well… that’s it, but I always have my dog with me and they always give him a treat. They told me they’re not doing that anymore!”

Me: “It’s not a requirement for the bank branches to give treats to customers’ pets.”

Customer: “I’m going to close my account if they don’t start giving out treats again!”

Me: “That is your decision to make. But again, it is not a requirement for a bank branch to give your dog treats.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *click*

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It Only Works If You’re The Fed

, , | Right | June 2, 2009

Customer: “Can I withdraw everything from my checking account?”

Me: *processes transaction* “There you are. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can you tell me my balance?”

Me: “Well, after that transaction, your balance is $0.”

Customer: “But I still have checks!”

Me: “I’m sorry–”

Customer: “I still have checks left in my checkbook, so I can still get money, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You can only write out checks if you have that money available in your account.”

Customer: “But I still have checks! Why would they give me so many checks, then?!”

Me: “So you have checks for when you do have money?”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just write one out anyway!”

Me: “You’ll be charged a $35 fee for over-drafting your account.”

Customer: “I thought I had a free checking account. You’re going to charge me for using my free account?!”

Me: “No, we charge you for spending money you don’t have.”

Customer: “I’M NOT SPENDING MONEY! I’M WRITING A CHECK!”

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”

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