(A customer walks up to my window.)

Me: “Hello! What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes, one of your customers just gave me this check, and I want to be sure it will clear before I deposit it in my bank.”

(This is a fairly common request. We are allowed to either confirm or deny that a check will “clear” without giving out any other information about the check-writer’s account.)

Me: “Sure, I can help you with that.”

(I pull up the account and discover that it will clear easily.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it will clear.”

Customer: “Great. Now, I want you to put a freeze on the funds so it will still clear tomorrow. I’m not from here, so I won’t get to my bank until then.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Since you’re not an owner of the account, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, I just don’t understand.”

Me: “Sir, is your name on the account?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then I can’t take any direction from you on what to do with it.”

Customer: “I’m not asking to take money out of their account. I am asking you to put a freeze on the funds so that they will still be there tomorrow. How hard is that?”

Me: “So, just to get this straight, you would like me to put a freeze on funds on an account that your name is not on, and you have no ownership claims on whatsoever?”

Customer: “YES! Is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “I still can’t do that.”

Customer: “WHY NOT?!”

Me: “Because your name is not on the account. I cannot do anything to this account because your name is not on it. This account is not owned by you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “FINE!” *stomps out*

Coworker: “Did he really think that was an okay thing to do?”

Me: “I wonder about the general public sometimes…”

(Not the first time I’ve gotten a request to “freeze” funds on someone’s account, but definitely the most belligerent reaction!)

(I have just paid off my car loan and closed the account when I notice a sign by the teller’s window.)

Me: “Oh, hey, you’re selling discount tickets to [Theme Park]? Could I buy two of those?”

Teller: “I’m sorry, no. Those are for account holders only. Would you like to open an account?”

Me: “Uh. No, thanks.”

(The other tellers looks appalled that she wouldn’t sell me the tickets literally 10 seconds after closing my account, but she wouldn’t budge!)

(We had been getting a lot of solicitors calling, not to mention a lot of callers that would hang up as soon as we answered. I was getting very irritated about it. The phone rings:)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Bank]. May I please speak to [Husband]?”

Me: “What is it regarding?”

Caller: “Just let me speak to [Husband].”

Me: “He’s busy. Please let me know what it’s about.”

Caller: “I can only speak to [Husband].”

Me: “Sorry, not happening unless you let me know why you’re calling.”

Caller: *sighs heavily* “Fine. It’s about his mortgage.”

Me: “Um, ‘his’ mortgage is also MY mortgage. Both of our names are on the paperwork. Seems to me like you should know that if you’re actually calling from [Bank].”

Caller: “I AM calling from [Bank], and I need to talk to [Husband] NOW!”

Me: “If it’s really about the mortgage, you can talk to me.”

Caller: “No! I can only talk to [Husband]!”

Me: “Or you can say hello to Mr. Dial Tone.” *hangs up*

(I pull into the bank parking lot to go to the ATM. It is not a drive up machine. I am also on the phone with my mother. Neither one of us is trying to be funny.)

Me: “I just got to the bank. I always take my cell phone with me when I go up to the machine. You know, as a security thing?”

Mom: “Good idea.”

Me: “But I can’t find my phone. I’ve torn apart my purse and it’s nowhere.”

(While saying this I am looking under the car seat, in my coat pockets, etc.)

Mom: “Did you have it when you left the house?”

Me: “Yes, I know I did.”

Mom: Do you want to hang up and I’ll call it so you can find it?

Me: “I guess…” *sudden realization hits* “Wait! Think about what we both just said.”

(Long pause.)

Mom: “Oh. Never mind.”

(Big bushfires are happening near our homes. The homes are 40 minutes commute by train from our office. There are 16 of us who commute into work together and as the day progresses we started to get concerned that the train line will be cut and we will be stuck in Sydney with no way to get home. Our manager commuted in with us and he starts packing up at 4 pm.)

Coworker #1: “If you’re packing up, are we able to as well?”

Manager: “Have you finished all your work?”

Coworker #1: “No, but we are all worried that we won’t be able to get home if we leave any later. Can we come in early on Monday to make up for it?”

Manager: “No, you need to stay and finish.”

(Needless to say, he left and got the last train home. The train line was cut off and 15 of us had to stay in a hotel and the company had to pay for our food, accommodation, and washing for the weekend as we had nothing with us apart from the clothes we wore to work. He was subsequently chosen to lose his job shortly after. Karma!)