(In one week, I’m transferring to another department. My new boss and I have hit it off, and I’m very excited to work for her. My current boss has a “blackout list” of vacation days that I’m not allowed to request off, because those are what she wants off.)

Current Boss: “Oh, remember to ask [New Boss] about your vacation time. You’ve got that week off coming up next month, and you better make sure it’s not on her blackout list.” *smirks* “You might have to change it.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Current Boss: “I’m just saying. I approved it off, but SHE might not.” *walks away*

(I become very upset, as I’m planning on being out of state that week. I call my new boss.)

New Boss: “Hi, this is [New Boss].”

Me: “It’s [My Name], and I had a question for you about vacation time.”

New Boss: “Oh good! I’ve been meaning to call you about that! You’ve got some coming up, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, next month, on [dates]. Will you need me to change that? [Current Boss] said you might, but it’s a family thing, and we’ve already got hotel reservations made, and—”

New Boss: “Of course not. My system shows you requested that months ago. You go on your trip, and have a great time! Now, my system also shows that you’ve got a few vacation days left this year. I’d love to get that scheduled, if you know when you want to take it.”

Me: “Well, I wanted to find out what your blackout dates are, and then schedule it around that.”

New Boss: “My what now?”

Me: “Your blackout dates. [Current Boss] has a list of dates that I’m not allowed to request off. What are yours?”

New Boss: “Uh… I don’t do that.”

Me: “You don’t?”

New Boss: “Of course not. That’s completely unfair to you. Now, what time did YOU want off?”

Me: “Well, I’d really like some time off the week of Christmas… but only if that’s not an inconvenience to you.”

New Boss: “Excellent. Email me the specific dates. It doesn’t look like anyone has requested off that week yet. And just so you know, as long as you get your vacation requests in early, you’ll get approved. As long as the whole department doesn’t take off the same day or week, we’re fine. How does that sound?”

Me: “…That sounds like the best thing I’ve heard all day.”

New Boss: “Great. Now, have an awesome day, and I’ll see you next week!”

(I hang up, practically jumping up and down in my chair. My current boss comes by.)

Current Boss: “Well?”

Me: “I don’t have to change anything next month, and I can take time off the week of Christmas!”

Current Boss: “…I was totally thinking about giving you that time off at Christmas.”

Me: “Uh-huh. Last month, you said I couldn’t because—”

Current Boss: “I KNOW WHAT I SAID! I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT!” *stomps off*

(I am processing a customer’s application and realize his zip code on his account is ****6 but the one on his application is ****1. Wanting to correct the mistaken one I ask him.)

Me: “Excuse me. Sir, what is your zip code?”

Customer: “It’s ****4.”

Me: “Sir, you put ****1 on your application and our account is showing ****6. That’s 3 different zip codes.

Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter. They are all the same city, so I just give whichever one pops into my head first.”

(Our department celebrates holidays with each person bringing in a covered dish, and the manager ordering the main dish, like pizza. One of my coworkers claims to belong to a religious faith that does not celebrate holidays. We are careful not to offend her, and she gets the same amount of time off for the meal as the rest of us. She is never asked to bring in a dish for the holiday meals, but she has no qualms about partaking of our meals. One Christmas Eve, we have our holiday dinner at lunchtime, including various holiday-themed items like Christmas cookies, stollen, and even red and green pasta (tomato and spinach).)

Coworker: *fills her plate with Christmas-themed food and heads back to her desk*

Me: “Oh, hey, [Coworker]! I thought you didn’t celebrate holidays.”

Coworker: “I don’t, but I’m hungry and these all look so good.”

Me: “They’re very good. [Other Coworker] made the stollen and [Another Coworker] brought in the pasta. I brought the cookies. Almost everyone contributed something.”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a good thing they brought food in. Now I can work through lunch and still get paid for it!”

(While working lunches were the norm for our busy department, we took our lunch breaks for the holiday party since we weren’t actually working.)

Me: “Oh, well, glad we could do that for you.”

(I spend several months abroad for work. During that period, because of a lack of communication between the tellers and the management of the first bank, I am considered “unreachable” and my account is frozen. On the account I have a standing order for my car’s monthly payments, so I promptly call their customer service…)

Operator: “[Car Brand] financial service. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I have a problem with my bank account and now it’s frozen, but I’m abroad. Is there a way, like a bank transfer, to send my payments?”

Operator: “Certainly, sir. I need your account number, then we need to activate an automatic charge—”

Me: “I’m afraid it will not work. As I told you before, I’m now abroad and in this moment I don’t have any active bank accounts in Italy. I believe I can do an international transfer every month. Will that be good for you?”

Operator: “No, sir, the only way is via an automatic charge on a national bank account.”

Me: “Listen, the problem is that I have no bank account in Italy, I’m abroad, the car is abroad, and I won’t be back for at least eight months. So, you won’t have neither the money or a car to repossess.”

Supervisor: “Hello, Mr [My Name]. I’m the shift supervisor of [Car Brand] Financial Services. International transfer, you said? No problem, sir. You can send your monthly payment to…”

(Funny that when they risk losing money there’s always a solution!)

(I work as a teller, and one of my jobs is to field phone calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]; this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to make an online purchase with my debit card and it’s not working! I need you to fix this.”

Me: “Well, sir, it sounds like your card may be blocked. I can transfer—”

Customer: *interrupting* “No! This is a brand new card; I just got it today from the bank. Now they told me it would work, and it doesn’t!”

Me: “That’s odd, let me…”

Customer: “And another thing! How do you get away with issuing already expired cards?”

Me: “Well, sir, our temporary cards expire after a set time, but they are always good when issued.”

Customer: “No! This one says February 18th, right on there! Now today is the 24th, which means this is expired!”

Me: *face-palm* “Sir… all cards list the expiration date as month and year. That is February of 2018 listed on the card, and I assure you if you use that date you will be able to make your purchase.”

Customer: “That’s… that’s not what I was told! I was told this would expire this year!”

Me: “Yes, sir. The temporary card will. However it must have the same expiration date listed on it as the permanent card with the same number that is being mailed to you. I promise, February of 2018 will work.”

Customer: “Well… I suppose I’ll try it. But that’s darn foolish!” *click*