She’ll Flatten You In A Minute

(I am a regular swimming laps at the pool and some of the lifeguards who overlap with my swimming schedule recognize me. During my first trimester of pregnancy, however, I am feeling too sick to swim, and take a break. Once reaching my second trimester, I am feeling better and decide to come back to swim some laps. I am generally in very good shape, and at this point in my pregnancy, I’m not showing much. I can tell that I have a little bit extra on my abdomen, but people who are not very well acquainted with my body probably wouldn’t be able to tell.)

Lifeguard: “Hello! Long time no see.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s good to be back.”

Lifeguard: *looks me up and down* “Don’t you worry. We’ll get your tummy nice and flat again soon!”

Me: “Well, it’s going to get a lot less flat first. I’m actually pregnant!”

Lifeguard: “You don’t have to lie. We all fall off the workout wagon sometimes. No judgement here!”

Me: “No, I literally am pregnant.”

(Either way, 20-something-year-old, male lifeguard, maybe you should just not make comments.)