(My girlfriend and I are both women. She has never seen any ‘Star Trek’ before, but is interested in seeing the upcoming film. We’re in my basement watching the 2009 film. Kirk’s academic hearing starts. My girlfriend has literally seen two seconds of Kirk and Spock looking at each other.)
Girlfriend: “Ship it.”
Me: “It took you two seconds to latch onto the fandom’s most popular pairing, bravo!”
(I am female. I am trying to get my parents to let me see the new ‘Iron Man’ movie.)
Me: “If you want, I could go with [Male Friend #1]?”
Mum: “I’m not so sure…”
Me: “I could always invite [Male Friend #2], and [Female Friend]?”
Mum: “Well, I suppose I could give you money, but you’d have to wait for the next pay-check.”
Me: “If only I had the same amount of dollars as I do rupees.”
Dad: “What?”
Me: “Rupees are the currency on a game called Legend of Zelda. They are easy to get, and I have lots of them.”
Mum: “I wonder… No, can’t be…”
Me: “What?”
Mum: “Nothing.”
(An ad for costumes then comes on the TV. A Star Trek uniform, complete with com-badge, is advertised.)
Me: “OOH! LOOK AT THAT! THAT IS SO COOL!”
Mum: “Yep, that confirms it.”
Mum And Dad: “Our daughter’s a geek.”
(My fiancé is with my family for Thanksgiving dinner. My parents have a large dog that has to stay in the kennel during mealtime, because he begs too much. He keeps making strange noises because he wants the food.)
Fiancé: “You know what I just noticed? The dog sounds a lot like a Goron!”
Me: “Honey, your nerd is showing.”
Mom: “Wait, he sounds like a what?”
Me: “A Goron. They’re one of the creatures from the Legend of Zelda games.”
Dad: “In that case, yeah, your nerd is hanging out all over the place. I might have to mop up the floor because you’re oozing nerd all over my dining room.”
(Shortly thereafter, one of my aunts asks me if I have seen the latest ‘Harry Potter’ movie.)
Me: “Yeah, but that was a while ago. I had a big marathon, read all seven books and watched all the rest of the movies within two weeks!”
Aunt: “Wow. That must’ve been hard.”
Me: “It was a little time consuming, but worth it. What I’m excited for now is The Hobbit. I’ve been giddy over it ever since I found out it was being made into a movie. And my roommate and I are going to see it in IMAX, because then we’ll get to see a nine minute preview of the next Star Trek movie!”
(There is a short pause while my family looks at me like I have six heads.)
Fiancé: “Honey, your nerd is showing.”
(A coworker recently banned a young woman from attending a weekly storytime at the library because she was constantly being disruptive.)
Coworker: “This sucks. I feel so bad.”
Me: “But you have the rest of the customers to consider.”
Coworker: “I know, but I still feel bad about kicking her out.”
Me: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few… or the one.”
Coworker: *staring* “Did you just Star Trek me?”
Me: “…Yup.”
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(I am helping my younger brother—both of us Trekkies—prep for a vet nurse exam. We come across an interesting question.)
Question: “How can a person be infected with Q Fever?”
Brother: *without missing a beat* “By watching too much Star Trek.”
(I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.)
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