Me: “[Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Hello, do you have any books about dogs?”
Me: “Yes, we have an extensive section all about pets.”
Caller: “Dog spleens?”
Me: “Um, we have a smaller section of veterinarian books, but—”
Caller: “COOKING dog spleens?”
Me: “Uh…”
(The caller finally broke into laughter in his own voice, revealing himself to be my boyfriend in one of his weird moods.)
(I am a small, twenty-year-old female working the closing shift at my store. A very large, unclean looking man is at my till about fifteen minutes before close. He’s been silent up until I’ve started ringing up the last items he has.)
Customer: “You get out soon?”
(I don’t find this question odd, as many people ask it just to make conversation.)
Me: “We close at eleven, so ,yeah. I get out just a little after that.”
Customer: “Do you want a job working for me?”
Me: “Uh… no. That’s okay. I already have a job here, and I don’t really have time for a second job. Thanks, though. Your total is [total].”
Customer: “Well, it’s only nights. You don’t have plans after work, do you? The job pays well.”
Me: “Actually, I do have plans. My boyfriend is picking me up after my shift.”
(The man grumbles something incoherent, pays with food stamps, then leaves. My manager comes over, to help close my register down.)
Manager: “What was that about?”
Me: “I’m not sure. I think he was trying to pay me to sleep with him.”
Manager: “You know, I was wondering if that’s what was happening.”
Customer: “So, you have to buy ink within 90 days to get credit for recycled cartridges? That’s not fair.”
Me: “Yes. It didn’t used to be like that, but some people were buying cheap cartridges online and expired ones and recycling those to try and cheat the system, and the company was losing a lot of money, so they had to add that rule. Some people ruined it for everybody, haha.”
Customer: “Oh, I did that! Ha, I’d buy generic ones off… ”
Me: “…”
Customer: “…”
Me: “You were buying cheap cartridges online and expired ones and recycling those to try and cheat the system, so they had to add that rule. You helped ruin it for everybody.”
Customer: “Oh. Huh…”
(I work at a kiosk of a popular coffee chain. It’s before school, and my coworker is ringing up a girl’s order.)
Customer: “I want a peppermint mocha, but with no coffee in it.”
Coworker: “Okay, so a steamer.”
(My coworker hands me the cup and I can’t help but giggle a little.)
Coworker: “What is it?”
Me: “Oh, you wrote down PMS for the drink order.”
Coworker: *laughing* “Oh jeez, I didn’t even think about that. But that’s what it is, a peppermint mocha steamer.”
Customer: “That’s one way to start a morning.”
(I make the drink and hand it to her.)
Me: “Here’s your PMS, ma’am.”
Customer: “Don’t go PMSing now!”
(We ask for ID when the credit or debit card purchase is over 15 dollars. This customer’s total is $97.94.)
Me: “Perfect, red for credit or type in the pin if it’s a debit card.”
(The customer selects credit.)
Me: “All right. Can I see your ID, please?”
Customer: “Why the h*** do you need to see that?”
Me: “To verify that the card matches the purchaser, sir.”
Customer: “That’s why credit cards exist,boy! So that I can purchase whatever I want without ID! That’s how the world works son, isn’t it?”
Me: “Well, sir, how do I know it’s you and not somebody stealing your card?”
Customer: “Because it’s me! Nobody stole my card, did they?! I’m the one buying this right now with this card!”
Me: “I would have no idea of knowing that unless I saw your Identification…”
(He then gave me his ID and was very pleasant for the rest of the transaction. But I guess I learned how the world worked?)
