(I like to play passive-aggressive pranks on my sis. Today’s prank is covering every inch of her room with empty toilet paper rolls. I wait to hear my sis’ reaction when she sees her room.)
Sister: *coming downstairs to talk to me* “How long did it take you to collect those?”
Me: “About three months.”
Sister: *walking away* “We poop too much.”
This story is part of the Toilet Paper roundup!
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(I am at a friend’s house. She has a young daughter and son, about 8 and 10 respectively. They are at the dinner table and trying to annoy each other.)
Friend’s Son: “You were adopted!”
Friend’s Daughter: “I was adopted because you were a disappointment!”
(I have just bought my five-year-old daughter her first Barbie doll.)
Me: “You know, I wasn’t sure about getting you a Barbie doll.”
Daughter: “Why?”
Me: “Well, some people say that girls end up thinking that Barbie is the shape that real women should be. But you wouldn’t think something silly like that, would you?”
Daughter: “No, Mummy, I’ve seen you!”
This story is part of the Barbie-themed roundup!
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Read the Barbie-themed roundup!
(My kid brother has been in trouble several times today for playing with a loud toy gun while our mom has a headache.)
Dad: “I’ve told you to take the gun outside!”
(My brother starts to go towards room with the gun blaring.)
Dad: “Outside!”
(He drops the gun on the floor where it goes off loudly.)
Dad: “Alright. That’s done. You’re done with it. Give it here. Go play outside.”
(He reluctantly hands over the gun. As dad goes to put the gun up on top of a high shelf, he knocks over a glass of water which shatters loudly.)
Brother: “No more water for you! Go outside!”
(My Mom no longer has land-line phone service; instead, she uses her cell phone. I receive this call from her literally the day after she got her first smart phone.)
Me: “Hello.”
Mom: “Did you just call me?”
Me: “No.”
Mom: “Oh, I just missed a call and I can’t see who it was from.”
Me: “Maybe it was [brother] or [sister]?”
Mom: “I no longer have the symbol for making calls on my home screen, and I don’t have the symbol for hanging up. I was just on the phone with [satellite provider], and somehow after I got off the phone with them, I called them back. I couldn’t end the call, so I had to go through all the prompts to talk to a person. Once I did, I had to explain to her that I had just gotten this smart phone and I can’t find the button to end the call, and could she please hang so I could end the call!”
