(I am three or four years old. My mother told me what to say, but I didn’t know what it means.)

Mom: “Sweetie, tell everyone, where did you get those big blue eyes?”

Me: “From the milk-man!”

(My family is going home from a soccer game. We’ve come from two different locations so we have two cars, and I’ve decided to drive home with my Mom. It’s a sunny day, so she’s wearing her sunglasses.)

Mom: “Can you do me a favor? When we get home, can you remind me that I’m still wearing my sunglasses? Otherwise I’ll just forget to take them off.”

Me: “Okay.”

Dad: *to me* “I just remembered, we have some errands to run, don’t we? Do you want to go do them now?”

Me: “Okay.”

(Dad and I head off to go do errands in one car while my mom drives home in the other. We’ve driven about fifteen minutes.)

Me: “Dad, can I borrow your phone?”

Dad: “Sure. What for?”

Me: “I need to call mom.”

(I dial the house number and get the answering machine.)

Me: “Hi mom, it’s me. If you’re wondering why it’s so dark, it’s because you’re still wearing your sunglasses. Bye!”

(Later, when we get home.)

Mom: “Oh, I’m so glad you called! I had just sat down to listen to the answering machine, and I was wondering why everything was so dark!”

(I am a massive Harry Potter fan, particularly obsessed with Severus Snape. My brother has never read the books nor watched the movies.)

Brother: “Have you seen Millie?”

(Millie is his tiny, pitiful, mangy dog.)

Me: “No. Why?”

Brother: “I think she’s escaped from the yard. I need you to—no. No… Snape needs you to. Snape needs you to go on a quest. Yes. Snape wants you to find Millie.”

Me: *laughing hysterically* “You know what? That was so awesome, I think I have to do it now.”

Brother: “Yes. Snape loves Millie.”

(My sister and her family live several states away so we don’t get to see them much. During a visit, my parents take my nephews, who are 9 and 8 years old, to the aquarium. My dad and the youngest go to use the restroom leaving my mom and the 9 year old to chat.)

Mom: “So, do you do stuff like this with your other grandparents?”

Nephew: “No, the only place they really bring us is church… but I don’t really like the pastor there.”

Mom: “Oh, why not?”

Nephew: “Well he’s against gays… and Uncle Brad is gay… and I’m for Uncle Brad.”

(When I was told about this conversation later the evening I gave my nephew a big hug for standing up for his Uncle Brad.)

(I live in large household. One cousin has the tendency to write in alternate caps.)

Uncle: “Hey what’s ‘naclo’?”

Me: “Naclo? Where did you get that?”

Uncle: “[Daughter] wrote it on the shopping list. That a video game or something?”

Me: “Let me see.”

(The shopping list has ‘NaClO’ written on it.)

Me: “That looks like a chemical formula. Let me check. It’s sodium hypochlorite. In other words, bleach.”

Uncle: “Ah hah.”

(We find out it’s another aunt who needed bleach and my cousin wrote it for her so she can use alternating caps where it is perfectly normal.)