(My boyfriend and I are lying on his bed, talking about nicknames and generally being silly. Due to the fact that I’m more dominant and we joke that I wear the pants in the relationship, he has been calling me ‘Mistress’ from time to time.)
Boyfriend: “I think that you need another nickname besides Mistress, cause I can’t say it in public.”
Me: *innocent look* “But doesn’t it make me the enemy of the Doctor?”
Boyfriend: *stares at me for a second before lighting up* “I love you!”
(He still calls me Mistress.)
(My sister has come home from [College that is two hours away] for an afternoon doctor’s appointment. Hanging out with me beforehand, she suddenly remembers she needs to ask her boyfriend something. She calls him and puts it on speakerphone.)
Boyfriend: “Y’ello!”
Sister: *loud and firm* “[Boyfriend’s Full Name], did you make it to class today?”
Boyfriend: “Uh…”
Sister: “When did you get up?”
Boyfriend: “11:30. I needed me some sleep!”
Sister: “You stayed up all night playing Pokémon again, didn’t you?”
Boyfriend: “…No.”
Sister: “Then how are all your monsters suddenly level 24!? You are in big trouble, Mr. One-Point-Oh GPA.”
(I am not a fan of Justin Bieber. Quite the opposite, in fact. I will make a point to actively ignore the music if a public place has one of his songs on, and am just very against him as a person in general. I’m in a store with my dad when ‘Baby’ comes on, but I don’t recognize the intro, so I subtly dance to it while walking.)
Dad: “You do realize this is Justin Bieber, right?”
Me: *stops dancing immediately* “OH, MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS TAYLOR SWIFT!”
Dad: “This Ebola virus epidemic is ridiculous. It just shows an astounding lack of competence. They should have declared it an emergency five months ago, not one month ago.”
Me: “Who?”
Dad: “Yes, WHO. Exactly.”
(In case anyone is confused, WHO is the abbreviation for the World Health Organisation.)
(I was getting meat ready to go in the freezer.)
Me: “Dad, which knife should I use to get the bone out?”
Dad: “Here use this one; it’s a boner knife.”
(Then he quickly walked out to watch football.)
