May-Your-Nays Be Never In Your Flavor

(I’ve called in an order of a BLT with no mayonnaise to eat on my lunch break. The BLT is clearly listed on the menu as “Bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise,” but as I can’t eat mayonnaise, I specifically request it to be left off. I go to pick up my sandwich, and when I get back to work, I see that the sandwich is covered in mayo. I call the restaurant to see what can be done.)

Me: “Hi, I just picked up what was supposed to be a BLT with no mayo, but the sandwich is covered in mayo. I can’t eat this. Can I get a replacement?”

Employee: “BLTs come standard with mayonnaise, you know.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I can’t eat mayonnaise. I asked for no mayonnaise on the sandwich.”

Employee: “So, what’s the problem?”

Me: “The sandwich has mayonnaise on it. I’m lactose intolerant.”

Employee: “But BLTs are supposed to have mayonnaise on them. If you didn’t want mayonnaise, you should have asked for no mayonnaise.”

Me: “…Can I speak to your manager?”

(The manager comes on the phone, and we confirm that I want a BLT: bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Cheese is not mentioned anywhere in my conversation with either employee. After skipping lunch and driving to the restaurant after work to pick up the replacement sandwich, I have this exchange with the same two employees.)

Employee: “Here. BLT, no mayo. You wanted American cheese on that, right?”

Me: “…Is that a joke?”

Manager: *to employee* “Are you freaking kidding me? She tells you she’s lactose intolerant, so you go ahead and put cheese, a dairy product, on a BLT?”

Employee: “Well, it needed something besides just bacon, lettuce, and tomato!”

Me: “No, it didn’t! It’s a BLT! Bacon, lettuce, and tomato! Why would a BLT ever get cheese on it to begin with?”

Employee: “So you don’t want the sandwich? What CAN we do for you?”

Me: “You can get me a refund.”

(The manager gave me my money back, plus a few extra dollars, but I haven’t ordered from there since. Nor have any of my coworkers!)