(I’m in the library with a course mate, looking at this very website (NotAlwaysLearning.com) having a quick break from writing my dissertation. My course mate looks over at my screen.)
Course Mate: “I find it ironic that you’re looking at a website called ‘Not Always Learning’ whilst not doing your work!”
(We are on the playground. I am the teacher and a child comes running up to me crying.)
Child: “Miss [name]! I fell down on the side and hurt my elbow and it REALLY hurts!”
Me: “It looks like you’re going to be fine, sweetie. I think you just hit your funny bone.”
Child: “It’s not funny!”
(I am in high school and am in honors classes. I have a teacher who doesn’t like me and for one reason or another does not think I deserve to be in the class. I’m about to leave when she calls me to her desk.)
Teacher: “[My name], I have some concerns about you.”
Me: *confused* “Okay…”
Teacher: “It appears that a couple of the people around you have the exact same answers as you, and I can tell you’re copying them.”
Me: “Wait, what?! You think I’M copying THEM! That’s not—”
Teacher: “I want to you cease or I’m going to fail you and have you kicked from honors immediately.”
Me: “Okay, no. Why do you assume I’m the one cheating? How do you know they aren’t copying me?”
Teacher: “Because I questioned them and they told me so. Besides, they’re better than that and smarter to—”
Me: “Hold it right there. First off, where do you get the right to think someone’s smarter? There are different types of intelligences. Second, I do not, nor have I ever, cheated. If anyone’s doing it, it’s them.”
Teacher: “I don’t believe you. I’m not fond of your tone and I don’t appreciate liars.”
Me: “Fine. Let’s make a deal. I’m going to prove I’m not the one cheating. My next test, I’m going to score exactly a five. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less; and when the other people around me have the same answers and flunk miserably, I want to come back later that day and retake my test, got it?”
Teacher: “Fine. Whatever. But when they don’t fail, you’re keeping your grade!”
(Sure enough, next test, two of the people around me had a score of five. While the teacher did let me retake the test, which I got a 100/100 on by the way, I never received an apology, and the other kids weren’t kicked out like she’d threatened to do to me because she liked them more.)
(My roommate and I are deaf and the entire dorm staff is aware of it. We usually order food online and once they come, the front desk usually alerts us by emailing, texting us or using Facebook to tell us. I have just ordered food and noticed I have not been informed yet so I went to desk downstairs.)
Me: “Hi!” *writes on pad* “Can you call [pizza chain] for me? I’d like to ask about my order.”
Front Desk Man: “They already left 10 or 15 minutes ago.”
Me: “What?! Why wasn’t I alerted?”
Front Desk Man: “I went upstairs to your room and I knocked on the door. Nobody answered.”
(I have just gotten my twin brother transferred into my history class because his was making him want to drop out. It’s his first day and the teacher is going over the US Civil War.)
Teacher: “… and the field artillery used cannons to help support the infantry and cavalry forces in the field. Let me show you what a cannon looks like.”
(He goes over to the board and begins to draw a simple cannon. First he draws the wheel and then draws the chase of the cannon, but realizes it looks quite phallic. He quickly erases it with his hand.)
Teacher: “On second thought, you guys are old enough to know what a cannon is.”
Classmates: “No, no [teacher]! We don’t know. Please continue drawing it!”
(He turns to the class and gives us all that “look” as we are all grinning from ear to ear and laughing.)
Brother: “[My name], this is the best class ever.”
